Making a Change:

So apparently I need a full time job for the summer.

I am SUPER pissed right now. Yeah, that'd be great. But I'm already working TWO jobs part-time. Yes, I need to save money.

But maybe my mom needs to get a job too. I realize that loans are taken out in my parent's name, but... they can get it deferred and I have no intention of them having to pay it back themselves (minus the interest they are paying for the first loan now... unfortunately). Once I have a job I'll pay them back slowly but surely.

But she's like "I got you a babysitting job here" and I'm all "I am renting in golden. I'm not going to NOT live in a place if I have to pay rent anyway". And she's all "so what. You need to get another job."


Here, you know what? I'll just off and get married and have a couple kids. Then I'll get grants! Oh what a HAPPY mother she will be then.
Actually, considering the money I'd get... it really wouldn't be half a bad idea.
Or I could just join the Navy. They'll give me 8,000 dollars a semester, plus an internship, plus a job after I graduate.
Any other ideas? Because, while I love Rory and Blake to death and would LOVE to babysit them... I live in Golden. Also, I'm probably not getting the Employee Kid job at Pioneer so... yeah. 

Nothing much has been going on. Actually that's a lie.

So since winter break I've done quite a few things. I shed the title of VP of Membership in APO, retaining only VP of Fellowship (resulting in me being lower on the totem pole which, yes, sometimes bothers me). This has taken quite a bit of stress off my shoulders.
Recently joined Pi Beta Phi because I needed a change. A good one. Pi Phi and APO actually go a little more hand-in-hand than you'd think. The combination is actually quite nice as APO is more service and Pi Phi is more academic which balances out excellently! I don't remember when I've felt so driven to just DO things.

Ben really wants to get on my mother's good side. Or that's the impression he's given. Already that's a one-up on almost everyone I've ever dated. Mom's still giving me a hard time. Dad just wants me happy. I don't know that I've been any different than before, in fact I'm pretty sure I was being a better person than before.
Anyway.

Really into country music lately. Actually it's usually a cycle. During winter and fall it's more just alternative, and when it starts warming up it's country.
Maybe because this is the time of year where I make my trip to Dove Creek usually? USUALLY I go to Dove Creek during spring break rather than winter, and then again in summer. Can't wait for this summer! Though perhaps if I want to go to the dance again, I should probably semi-learn to dance. No more bruised toes, thanks.

Got a raise at Metro Brokers! Now 15 dollars an hour! It's awesome. About 200 dollars a paycheck which almost pays the bills itself, but still working at Pier One to have a little extra income. Though, I've found that it's cheaper to even live in the Sorority house than live here... Which is lame. Though I will miss being here, I won't miss the management. No way.

Ben's leaving in  a little less than 47 days.

So far this week has been shite and ... I really can't even begin to explain how plain old FRUSTRATED I am.

UGH. I am so done with this crap.

So I only had one can of diet coke yesterday. No other sources of caffeine. I was SO tired last night I just passed out. Seriously.

Right now I'm so tired. I can't even begin to tell you how tired I am. BUT! I don't have to work today after this (thank goodness!) so I can go home and crash...but I'll most likely go to the Rec Center.

Have I told you how awkward it is being in the freshman pledge class when you're not a freshman? Pretty awkward. They're a wonderful group of ladies, don't get me wrong: it's just hard to find something in common with them even though they are only a year below me (though a couple of them are academically ahead of me...). We'll all be pretty good friends, I'm sure. Also as a spring pledge I kind of feel as though I'm coming in in the middle of everything, ya'know? Probably should have done this last school year- it would have been a little less awkward.

ANYWAY. Spending time with Ben was awesome. We tried to play "Rome" which seems like Age of Empires except you play on a board. We used pieces from Monopoly and some zombie game and Risk and... it was working but it takes a helluva long time. So after four-five hours (I think?) of playing, each of us only having four turns, we decided to quit. We being mostly Nick and myself. I was TIRED AS ALL HELL.

On the way to work today I took the wrong road- I started heading back to Golden- so I ended up NOT going to the store to buy something for lunch. Didn't have breakfast so I'm STARVING. It may get to the point where I call my parents...but I hope not. They have food here I'm allowed to eat so... I'll try to keep to that for a while


I wish I was still curled up with Ben. /sigh.

Tests clear!

However, if I am not pmsing right now, then I'm just one moody-as-all-hell woman.

Please forgive any outbursts.

SO! I went to the doctor today for a check-up. You know, full "woman check-up". So I get there. It was awesome. Then they are like "okay, time for you to put on the gown!" which was horrid. Not only was it ALREADY cold in the room, the AIR CONDITIONING was on. Apparently it was to be fixed. but IT WASN'T.

So I'm there, chillin on the table when BUZZZZZZZZ. My phone vibrates. I got a text message. I try to get off the table without losing my very revealing paper garb. SUCCESS! I get to the message and it's a 970 number. "hey whats up"
First thought was "who the hell is this?" then was "must be someone from dove creek". Then it was "Brenda would have spelled something wrong". Then "ooooooooh! Grant." Promptly I save his number again so that I won't be so confused again. So here I am, pretty much naked, texting with my ex. I text Ben, because I would much rather text Ben while nude than grant, but that just turns into a dead-end conversation.

FINALLY Doctor comes in and does the exam thing. I am much relieved. No texting while talking to the doctor!

You see, I don't like ignoring people who are texting me. I always think "what if it's urgent?" I guess they would call, but you never know!

/anti-climaxtic story.

Anyway, apparently he got back with this one chick like... yesterday? I think it was yesterday. And then last night she cheated on him soooooo... he was asking for advice. She's done this before and she just begged for forgiveness and said she changed: dump her.

Spent lots of time at home. Did laundry and went to Olive Garden with my mom and caley! then while my laundry was drying I hung out with caley and it was FUN TIMES ON THE XBOX OMG. I want one now, even though I haven't wanted one for years. And Fable II.

Anyway. Got home, tried to do statics. Was less eager when I found that calculus classes were canceled and the urge to go to microeconomics is near to zero so.... DURING THAT TIME. I've got them copied down and crap. YAY.


( other stuff )

Bloodwork should be done by next week, btw. Along with female tests and std tests. Apparently my murmer wasn't too bad/ they are waiting for my tests to come back. So... I DON'T KNOW! YAY!

Ben's leaving on the 21st of april.


( Put it behind you now )

Here's today's picture
( even at my best, I wanna let go )

I'm kinda behind this week. I expected to have time on Sunday to do homework: but I didn't and now I'm suffering for that. Lesson: don't EXPECT to have time.

Right now, I have a really bad headache. UGH.

I haven't been keeping up very well, but here you go. The last three days:
( messydesk )

I have come to terms... and I'm going to be supportive. Yes, indeed.

What comes next?


In other news: my mom had surgery on Wednesday for her two hernias. It sounds like everything went well, which is good. They tend to screw up everything when it comes to my mother.

Er. Classes are fine... I guess. At any rate, they make the time go faster. Though that can be considered a bad thing...

At work everyone seems to be on a war-path. It's very hostile and I don't really enjoy being there anymore. Since I got Sundays at Metro Brokers I don't really NEED Pier One, but... I'm willing to give it a bit. If things don't get better within the next month or two I'll just go look for another job. Seriously, I have enough to worry about. I don't need to worry about being fired from Pier One for minor mistakes. Seriously.

( everybody's changing and I still feel the same )

It is official, Ben is going into the Air Force.
I still don't know how I ought to feel about that.

Kind of like Michelle and Kacie and their picture for every day, I'm taking a picture of my desk everyday.
( which then grew into a hope )

I'm trying my hardest to not be over-bearing.

lsdk;jalkj;dlf

my mother called my aunt and told her the "situation". Apparently my Aunt Janet will be calling me.

Though what I think will happen is they'll have a "sit down" with me when I'm home today. I half expect it. If that is the case I will be leaving promptly.
First off, I don't appreciate her going behind my back like that.
Secondly, this WILL cause me to dislike my family possibly forever.
Thirdly, it's not helping, it's hurting. I feel like I've been backed into a corner.
Lastly, this is probably the LEAST Christian thing to do- just so it isn't blamed on the faith of my family and...oh wait. Me too. NO WHERE does it say THOU SHALT SCRUTINIZE THY FAMILY


this is... really tearing me apart : /

And after my slight rant and some coffee I am feeling 50x better.

Also: I will forgive my mother. AND! I will kill her with kindness. It gets them every time.
Well, in the least it is confusing.

To summarize why I'm in a terrible mood.

• I'm fsking tired.
• my mom doesn't approve of Ben merely because he isn't Christian
  
• ...that's pretty much it

I did snap at my dad, so tomorrow I'll be buying his favorite coffee and asking forgiveness.
Deep down, I hope he got at least a little mad at my mother and told her off or something. Anything.

She brought up that she didn't approve of Ben 1)In front of my cousin whom I haven't seen in two years and 2) in front of her side of the family including two people I don't really know who are VERY Christian. She'll no doubt be backed up by them: she knows it. Not only does this put a damper on the Christmas day thing (you know, good will towards fellow men) but this puts a major major strain on me as I do like my family and would...you know...like to be a part of it.

I feel at this point that I'm pretty much NEVER allowed to be happy for very long. I...am not sure what I did to deserve this but I don't think that I did much of anything. So... cut it out please? Thanks.

I really want to be out and about tonight. Too bad I work until 11:30.

UGH. I hate the holiday season.

The trip to Dove Creek was awesome!
A much needed time away from the busy life.
I had an early flight, departure at 8:15. Got to the airport VERY early so once I was at my gate I just sat and read a book. There was this guy next to me (next meaning he sat two seats away) that was waiting for his granddaughter to arrive. Apparently the last time he had seen her was when she was seven, now she's fourteen. Crazy.
Read the rest of my book (A Christmas Carol) on the plane. It was really short, but very good. Growing up I've always watched A Muppet Christmas Carol with my brother all throughout the season so whenever there was a part I recognized the songs played in the back of my head. It was awesome.

Got to Cortez Municipal Airport and was met by my grandparents, cousin Brenda, and Aunt and Uncle. My Aunt and Uncle were only there for the laptop I carried in my suitcase (which was theirs, but... really guys? Aren't you glad I'm here?). Got to my grandparent's house. They installed new flooring in the kitchen and part way into the living room. Re-painted as well.
Most of the time I was there I was just hanging out. My other Aunt and Uncle visited often (their business has yet to be moved out of my grandparent's basement...) and Maranda made a surprise visit! Saw my Aunt Michelle briefly.
It was snowing a LOT. Roads were horrible. We only went into town twice, both times I brought my phone because I don't get service at my grandparent's house and I needed to check messages just in case work called BUT I don't know my voicemail password so I couldn't... Stupid T-mobile.

The last full day I was there my grandma taught me how to crochet! I had quite a bit done but I was unhappy with it so I unraveled it and started again. I'm gonna make a scarf and then I'll send it to my grandparents. It'll be awesome. However, I need to find my hook that is hidden in my house somewhere, or I'll have to buy new ones. I'm thinking I'll just go to walmart and get some after Christmas...
Anyway. Time comes for me to leave.  Left an hour earlier than we needed to just in case the road to Cortez was bad. It was. When we got to the airport I got all checked in and sat down. At first there weren't many people, then this bus FULL of people comes and it was really loud. The lady says the plane that left at 4:17 (the time that I was supposed to leave according to MY TICKET) was ACTUALLY for the people who just got bussed there from Telluride. I was... pretty pissed. They didn't know where the plane I was supposedly supposed to get on was or if it even was supposed to come in. They check all the Telluride people into the plane. I call my dad saying to not go to the airport because I don't even know if I'm going to be leaving that day (which really pissed me off because I was supposed to work the next day!). All of a sudden they are like "Passengers on the Cortez flight, go through security. We're putting you on this plane". So I say goodbye to my grandparents and cousin, almost crying like I always do when I have to leave, and go to the security line. Lady in front of me is unorganized, and has three trays worth of stuff to put on the plane.
Finally get onto the plane. It's literally full. No extra seats. As I buckle my seatbelt the other plane comes in right next to us. Great.
They take half an hour to de-ice the plane. I call my dad and tell him to continue heading to the airport. They got me on a plane.
Had nothing to do on the plane because they don't allow you to use electronics because it is such a small plane and anything WILL mess with the navigation equipment (though I'm pretty sure it's just for wireless devices).  ANYWAY. Got there, met my dad.

Went home. Did laundry and hung out with my family.
Mom was in pain and on meds. Brother and Sister were bouncy and hyper. Erik and I will be decorating a gingerbread man hopefully on this saturday.

Made my excuses and went over to see Ben. Watched them (being Takashi and Ben, Chris was watching and playing on his laptop) play a video game for a while, then watched Forbidden Kingdom with Ben. Er. Went to bed. Woke up and was on the computer for a bit. Tried to sleep again, was successful for an hour then I woke up again, this time for good. Hung around with Ben and Chris. We went to Wendy's and then it started to pellet snow. AND WE SAW LIGHTENING IN THE SNOW. Then I got toilet paper and dropped Ben and Chris off at their house. Got on the highway and NO ONE CAN DRIVE IN THE SNOW OMG. Took almost two hours to get home. Called my mom while I was at a standstill. She was mis-diagnosed at the ER. She couldn't work due to pain one day so I took her there. She hurt on her right side (this is important to say) and they took an ultrasound and said it was because of a cyst. They gave her pain meds. It wouldn't stop hurting even with oxycodine so she went to the doctor and they took a look at her ultrasound. They asked what side it hurt on, she says right. "So the pain has switched sides?" "No...". The cyst was on her LEFT ovary. LEFT. They're doing tests to see what else it could be- they're thinking she tore a muscle. YAY.

Er. What else?
Schedule for the next couple weeks:
Today:
-Pier One 6:30pm-10:30pm
Saturday:
-Metro Brokers 8:30am-12:30pm
-Pier One 6:30pm-10:30pm
Sunday:
-Pier One 4pm-8pm
Monday:
-Pier One 8pm-11pm
Tuesday:
-Pier One 12pm-4pm
Wednesday
-Pier One 2pm-6:30pm
Thursday
-CHRISTMAS KOMG
Friday
-Pier One 8am-12pm
Saturday
-Metro Brokers 8:30am-12:30pm
-NO PIER ONE!OMG!!!11!

so next week is a 24 hour work week. Not bad. But busy x.x
I have also cleaned my room (finally!)!
It's good to be home.

Okay. so.

Got home from Ben's house today. Talked to my mom, ate cocoa rum balls (delicious), and picked up my brother. An hour after I pick up my brother, mom calls from Pier One asking for me to pick her up.
Get there, she is crying all over the place and in quite a bit of pain. She says go home, I say doctor. I take her to the ER. Ultrasound identifies a cyst. There is the culprit. Doctor says they are "typical" and... I'm skeptical but whatever. They give her pain meds and FINALLY release her at like ten at night.

Here I am now rushing to get laundry done before I leave tomorrow.

I'm really excited to leave, I'm not going to lie. However, I also would like to stay... But it's going to feel the same way when I have to leave Dove Creek next wednesday.

I got a solid C in physics, which makes me VERY VERY happy. Not taking that horrible horrible class ever ever again.

Um. Last night Ben and I had our first official date (unofficially you could actually say that our first date was...oh god, two years ago? around this time? We went ice skating) Qudoba and a movie. We saw Nobel Son and it was AWESOME. Alan Rickman is still a sexy beast.

HOWEVER, Ben's been feeling dizzy and so he went to the doctor today (well I guess it's actually yesterday now...) and he is sick. Poor Ben.

Really that's it. Quick update for you all.

Have a great week. :D

p.s. ImissyouguysalreadyD:!