so...this is where it ends
I can't sleep.
I'm afraid that if I go to sleep, I'll never wake up.
not that I haven't already asked for that, but I guess I have a little life left in me.
I feel really sick. and sad. Crushed really. It's another girl. He likes another girl and would rather chance it with her than stick with me.
Frankly, I knew this would happen. Not to be egotistical or anything, I did. I just didn't believe myself again. Kept telling myself no, no, not me.
I was happy that way.
Now I'm sitting here in bed and everything reminds me of him. The sheets, the books, the smells.
He gave me a necklace for christmas. It said "remember happiness forever"
I guess it was a lie.
I'm returning his things tomorrow. I can't keep them. I was going to wear his pajama pants to bed, but remembered him. I burst out crying. God, I haven't cried this much in years.
Was I really that worthless to him? We were fine three days ago. to my knowledge at least.
He promised he wouldn't break it off. If we were going to break up it would be becuase I said so.
I remember the way we would talk about the future, you know? Like what we wanted to do. He wanted to be a Kenpo instructor. His eyes lit up when he talked about it.
what am I going to do? Math class will be almost unbearable. Lunch will be five times worse. I miss lunch.
I know this will stir up a slew of "omg rachel!" responses, but I really don't want to breathe anymore. I can't. It's too much like him. The way he would hold me. We'd just sit there and everything would be okay. Everything would be okay.
He want's to be friends, but I can't. I can't. It hurts too much. I can't handle it.
When you give so much of yourself to a person, you hope that they'll take care of it. Well, now I'm broken. And this is the last time. I can't bear it any more.
I love(d) him.
And I lost him.
I'm afraid that if I go to sleep, I'll never wake up.
not that I haven't already asked for that, but I guess I have a little life left in me.
I feel really sick. and sad. Crushed really. It's another girl. He likes another girl and would rather chance it with her than stick with me.
Frankly, I knew this would happen. Not to be egotistical or anything, I did. I just didn't believe myself again. Kept telling myself no, no, not me.
I was happy that way.
Now I'm sitting here in bed and everything reminds me of him. The sheets, the books, the smells.
He gave me a necklace for christmas. It said "remember happiness forever"
I guess it was a lie.
I'm returning his things tomorrow. I can't keep them. I was going to wear his pajama pants to bed, but remembered him. I burst out crying. God, I haven't cried this much in years.
Was I really that worthless to him? We were fine three days ago. to my knowledge at least.
He promised he wouldn't break it off. If we were going to break up it would be becuase I said so.
I remember the way we would talk about the future, you know? Like what we wanted to do. He wanted to be a Kenpo instructor. His eyes lit up when he talked about it.
what am I going to do? Math class will be almost unbearable. Lunch will be five times worse. I miss lunch.
I know this will stir up a slew of "omg rachel!" responses, but I really don't want to breathe anymore. I can't. It's too much like him. The way he would hold me. We'd just sit there and everything would be okay. Everything would be okay.
He want's to be friends, but I can't. I can't. It hurts too much. I can't handle it.
When you give so much of yourself to a person, you hope that they'll take care of it. Well, now I'm broken. And this is the last time. I can't bear it any more.
I love(d) him.
And I lost him.
cold