Making a Change:

I don't know how to take life in stride.
I guess that's my problem, things hold me back.
Slowly my thinking processes are coming back- nothing compared to what they were a couple years ago, but that's what you get for keeping a shoddy boyfriend and having to worry all the time about what he did behind my back.

Lately I've taken to volunteering a lot, it keeps my mind occupied between classes.


Problem: I can't express myself without throwing myself at you or just blurting out something I shouldn't have said.

Also, I have a tendency of not being...overly mature. Though, if being mature means getting drunk and having buttloads of sex, it's not for me. I can get my thrills somewhere else.



For a while I wanted to be cynical and distanced. I could, if I really wanted to. No one would like me afterward, but it could be done.



Honestly, I think I'm okay this way...but just okay. I'm not great by any means. whoever says so is selling something.

School is stressful...kind of, right now. I missed an assignment the other day and I've been working really hard to make sure it doesn't happen again. Tomorrow is my long day, I will need to eat before calc tomorrow, and then head to my chem lab in Coolbaugh 220. I'm kind of looking forward to it, kind of not. On one hand, it's chemistry. On the other, I don't get lunch for three hours (strike that, four).
So pretty much, by the time I am getting out I have about one and a half hours to get my food and finish EPICS crap.


Going out with Josh tomorrow. The plan SO FAR is that I'm going to Boulder and we're going to have tea, do a twilight hike, and then watch a movie.

I must say, Josh has some awesome date ideas. I've never actually been to a tea shop, and as of this time last week I had never been to any performance bar/things.

This is pretty sweet.

So, I felt very nice waking up in my Mines environment this morning. I have come to the conclusion that the air in Aurora is too polluted and that is why my nose was all plugged up.

I do miss friends and family in the Aurora area, but I don't necessarily miss Aurora itself. Move up to Golden, guys! It's good for you!

I have the memo to write for EPICS still, but I really don't know what to say. I've done SOME research, though I suppose I should do more. I have a few questions in mind for it, but I feel like snatching some of michelle's because hers sound more professional. It is just a draft, so I suppose it would be alright.

One of these days I need to just go up and meet my professors. NHV class there is no need, since it's such a small class. But other classes like my chemistry class- I need to go up and shake his hand so he knows who I am.

Today I left my keys in the chemistry lecture room. I was scared that I'd go in in the middle of a class, but luckily for me there was no class :D

Also! today is the first day I'll have my actual Calculus teacher. I hope she's nice.

Today is Cindy's birthday. We are going out to dinner to celebrate, which is going to be an adventure. I've only been on main street of Golden, so I don't know what else is around.



Nothing else really going on...at all. I was sad that some girls didn't remember cations and anions.
Lack of basic chemistry knowledge makes me sad.

Pretty much loving college. There really aren't words to describe how awesome it is. My classes are spread out, but I don't really mind. It's nice having a break in between classes.

Yesterday was my busiest day this week. I had all my classes (labs and PE canceled this week). I am pretty proud to say that I have only been lost once (we found the EPICS class without calling so that doesn't count).

The teachers are mostly awesome. I actually haven't met two of them but they sound pretty awesome.

Today I have PE, but it's canceled, Calculus, and Nature and Human Values.


Oh, and I didn't get the Pioneer Scholarship. It's a real bummer. Maybe I can get the Bed Bath and Beyond one? That would be nice. Not having to worry about money would be fantastic. Though...I suppose I don't have to worry TOO horridly much. I have a good weekend job, and I've saved money...but I'd rather not work and have my way paid.
What can I say? I'm lazy.

I pre-ordered House M.D. season 3, but it won't be here until September : /
I'm not very happy about that. It came out yesterday, and I could probably buy it at the store...but I guess it was too good of a price to pass up. 37 dollars? heck yes!

The girls on this floor are really nice. I'm really loving dorm life. At first I thought it would be a struggle to adjust, but it's not so bad. This room we are in is actually a little bigger than my room at home (though it is minus a closet and has two beds- but I guess two twin beds equals a queen anyway?). though I'm really wanting to just dump this mattress and get one with some padding. It's not BAD, but it could be loads better. Maybe see if I can find the egg carton things again? Eh, suck it up, Rachel. Suck it up.

The food isn't really as bad as people were saying. I think they were just spoiled at home with steak and things like that. Sure, you could make better food at home. But for cafeteria food, it's actually very very good. I like the fish they serve at lunch. The herbs they put on it really make my day.


I want some chocolate raspberry creamer. It's really good. Maybe get that when I go home over the weekend.

Josh called last night, and I didn't notice because I had headphones on and I was working on Calculus. I feel kind of bad.

AND! This weekend Rory is having a birthday party- so I need to find him a gift. He loves trains, so something with trains on it.

And! I think Caley is going to spend the night on Saturday night? She said she had never spent the night at my new house (which isn't so new anymore) so that needs to happen.

hmmm. I think that's it.

Getting out of Golden tomorrow evening is going to be an experience...

My weekend was pretty uneventful. Well, that's a lie


I don't remember what I did friday, but I do remember getting off work a couple hours early (yessss!). Sat around playing sims and watching Pan's Labyrinth.

Saturday was really slow at work. 21 showings ALL DAY. In case you don't know, 30 showings is a very slow day during the summer. 21 is slower than slow.

So I spent most of the time on the internet and reading Atlas Shrugged.
I got a new tea! It smells like Jasmine and I swear, it's the best smell ever. Well, right after rain at least.

Got home and lounged about my house. Around ten thirty Cindy pops up on AIM and asks if I could see her because she was upset. I invite her to spend the night. Sooooo I drove to her house going about ten over the speed limit.
Took her back to my house, and we sit outside. Kirk dropped by, and we stood outside my house until about midnight. Went inside, and Cindy and I talked until about one.

Woke up at...seven I think? Took a shower and stuff. Offered food and drink to Cindy. Had the usual toast and peanut butter.

Dropped Cindy off on my way to Church. Two of the girls are already leaving for college. One is going to Trinidad, the other I think is going to Arkansas or something like that. We promised to all get facebooks and find each other. It was kind of sad.

Mom was kinda pissy all afternoon. I was asking about where the insurance card is so I wouldn't have to pay the fee for that, and she started yelling and all sorts of crap. I yelled back, because I'm tired of her always yelling at me for stupid things.

Then she seemed to forget it ever happened and invited me to go with her and Erik to see phones. I'm still thinking AT&T is the best option, but whatever mom. whatever.

I'm going to go to Office Depot today. Also running to the bank to deposit money in savings. I think...maybe tomorrow instead.

/shrug

edit:
and I just said "idear" instead of just "idea"

So I took my last generic pain pill. For some reason I'm kind of dizzy right now, so I'm going to avoid moving too much until I'm sure I can move without falling.

The goal for today is to not look at anything partaining to the Harry Potter leak. God that would suck.

Yesterday I went to the company picnic. it was pretty awesome. I didn't do any of the activities except for get painted on, but my brother was actually being a swell guy and we actually had fun together (go figure, right?). We both got "dark mark"s on our arms. The lady who did that was a Harry Potter fanatic, and we just chatted about what we hope happens in the next book. My brother decided he is going with me tonight. Are you going too, michelle? Cindy? Caley?

Josh came over to do laundry at my house. My dad had started a load of his clothes, so we had to wait. We started watching Samurai Jack season two, and then Josh finally got a load in. In the middle of his load my mom starts freaking out for some reason or another. "the laundry needs to stop now, it's too late to be doing this". Sure, I understand that, but she started yelling at me and stuff RIGHT in front of Josh. I was like, what the hell? Okay, maybe it is late, but why are you yelling? So Josh didn't get his laundry done...at all. On the way back to his house I was just apologizing profusely.
"I'm so sorry you had to be there when she was yelling. She's usually not like that at all..."

And she really isn't. A lot of times she says things that get me really mad, but it has NEVER been in front of someone she didn't really know all that well. I've been yelled at in front of friends who have known me for a long time, but not newer ones.

Needless to say, I was embarrassed.



No matter. She'll eventually stop being like that (or I hope she will).
Though, if this is how my grandmother acted toward my Aunt Cherie, I completely understand why she moved far away and stopped talking to everyone.

On the topic of Aunts! I need to visit my Aunt Janet soon. /nod.

Ugh, and this morning I got my check up for my wisdom teeth removal. There was this medicated strip in the holes I guess, and the feeling I got when she pulled them out was SO horridly disgusting. I am not looking forward to next tuesday when she pulls out the new ones. ugh.

But! I can now eat food again! Though, I was enjoying the slight weight loss due to better eating. Lots o Bananas.

Going to the Harry Potter book party tomorrow at Barnes and Noble (over in Southlands) just because I can. I've never been to one so, hey, it might be fun. I could also win things. The chance of winning things makes me want to go. Everyone else should go too. We can smuggle Sabrina here from Canada for the night. That's right.

but yeah.

Last night I got to hang out with Caley, Josh, Sean, Ben, and Takashi (and Steven briefly). We ran through sprinklers. It was great fun! Until mother called. "WHERE ARE YOU?!"

heh, I called her when I left caley's house to tell her I was going to the park...but I had said we were going to a movie, so I suppose she thought I'd only be gone two hours. Whatever.

I've been flinging myself at people. This stops now. Okay? okay.



What else?
Working all day saturday, taking my NEW HARRY POTTER BOOK with me. I'm excited. Not for work, but for the book. Can you tell?
Then my col-de-sac is having a bbq. We're all pulling out our grills into the middle of the street (we're blocking off the road with cars) and just having fun. I'm going to be buying chalk and playing with the little kids (I'm the only girl my age in this general area...boys don't like talking to me I suppose?). But Rory and Blake are fun to play with, even if they are under five.

There is a company picnic today. I kind of don't want to go...just because. I've already said I'm going, so I should probably go. sfdlisd

To do today:
-find out when we have to pay for that loft bed?
-eat fantastic D'Corazon for the first time in three weeks
-I really want to go to goodwill for some reason
-pick up Josh at some point
-call Josh before I pick him up...
-make plans with Stephanie for sometime!
-make plans with cindy and michelle, yes?
-read a book
-have some tea
-still need to watch Sense and Sensibility with Grandma and mother

So today I'm less swollen than yesterday, which is nice.

Yesterday my boss kept saying I looked like Chip and Dale from Rescue Rangers (and the random disney cartoons that they are in...). Then he proceeded to give me the job of doing inventory...again. I'm thinking about just going in on saturday and doing it because, frankly, I hate doing that while people are around.

It's not that I don't like talking to them, I love talking to some of these people; I just don't want them watching as I bend over, crawl under their desk, and copy down numbers in minimal light. It's not cool.
Soooo I'm going to discuss it with my dad and see what he thinks. I might do this over a period of 3 weekend days (Saturday and Sunday). This way, I'll also get overtime pay (haha). Yeah. That'll be easier for me.


Um. I've been having this weird urge to play tennis for some odd reason.

I don't remember what I was doing today. I THINK I was supposed to hang out with Josh today...or something.

I have invited Stephanie to go to the Harry Potter book party on friday night with me. I don't know if she'll accept, but I hope she does. I'm going, and I don't want to go alone. That would be lame to the max. I kind of want to dress up too, but I don't know if I could pull off anyone. If my hair was longer and still blond I could have pulled off Luna really easily, but now it's a shade of red and short...ish. I'm thinking about growing it out to the middle of my back. No longer than that.

Um...need to make plans to go shopping sometime for stuff. (My grandma has this chair/couch/thing that she wants to give me but I don't know if it would fit in the dorm room or if it's even comfy...heh). I need a comfy chair.


And I think we have decided on getting the lofted beds?

I'm excited for spa day (though I still kind of wish it was on Friday, but mom is miffed about that so I won't say anything). Yay relaxation.

I miss Dove Creek /sadfaces.


Got to hang out with Caley last night, which was fantastic. We watched Thirteen, which is a stupid movie.
I think that is how a lot of bad things got popular. It was a popular movie back in the day, and it had some weird stuff in there.

Thirteen year old having sex? yuck.


I'm going to (attempt to) ask Sean out to a movie. yeah. hopefully that goes well. If not, I'm having a steak dinner tomorrow night.

either way I get something I want, right?
I'll be updating this machine to Fedora 7 soon.
Trinidad people are coming up today. We're going to lunch on the company. yeeeeep. Hopefully we go to Mongolian BBQ or something. I don't want to go to that gumbo place again. ugh.

Mazingo emailed to see what scores we got on the Chem Exam. I emailed her mine, but I didn't really want to : /

I'm embarrassed with my score. It's just awful.

/sigh.
Maybe I'll steal one of those D400 Dell machines and install Fedora 7 on it as well. They aren't keeping track of those machines really... They are kind of crappy machines. Been all jostled around in trucks by Geologists and Miners- a lot of them don't have good hard drives.

Going to Sam's Birthday party/thing today. She and her boyfriend of a year broke up (which, honestly, I was expecting). She's scared that Eric Peterson will be all over her now that she's single. Apparently he's freaking miserable and "wants me back" which is not going to happen under any circumstances.
He's really disgusting now. I mean, he was disgusting before, but this is more than just perversion. It's fsking sick.

ugh. Why did I date him again?

Anyway, House season three is on sale on Amazon for like...not even fourty bucks. I'm really wanting to get it. I LOVED season three. (season two was the best though)

I think...I'm going to grab that computer now.

I really want to get my room assignment soon. Tomorrow would be great!

Start up work again tomorrow. I don't really want to but...you know. Have to get money to pay for stuff.

Going to bed early tonight. I'm rather tired and I don't know why. Might read a bit before I do that though. I miss reading.

So! tomorrow I need to go to the bank. Really, really need to go. I have like six checks that need to be deposited. It's really bad.

Call Sean maybe? dunno. I kind of want to see License to Wed...

Michelle and Cindy still need to post work schedules!
Before I get teeth out I need to hang out with Caley and Stephanie because I haven't hung out with them in a LOOOOOOOONG time.

um. yeah. That's it for now.

Dial up sucks- just to let you guys know.




I need to get off soon, because I'm tying up the phone line (though no one SHOULD be calling this early in the morning).


I had fun. Not as much fun as I had planned, but it's okay. That's what happens when your cousin has a kid and she doesn't have all the time for you.

Eric Stiasny got sick, so I didn't visit them. waved at Matt in the parade. Grant Hobbs came up and hugged me (which was weird).

uh. I'll update more when I get home.




Flight leaves at four forty five this afternoon /nod.

an hour home. joy.

So I'm getting all antsy. I have a bit of work that needs to get done, but I can't get it done until the other IT lady gets me the answers that I need (because I refuse to email that guy again). So...sitting. I could do the rest of my Thank You cards I suppose. Look busy, you know?

but typing like this makes me looks busy. I had coffee for the first time in forever this morning. Not the best. I kinda want to buy some creamer just so there is some GOOD creamer out there, but that would cost money, neh?

Getting off at noon (exactly four hours of work) and then going to deliver cake to Maz :D. finally.

Theeeeen I need to run to the bank and deposit some money. After that, my cousin should be here so go and pick her up. maybe Ryder too, but I'm not sure. I'd really rather just hang out with my cousin, but seeing as she has a kid...yeah. It is kind of difficult. That's what you get for getting pregnant! He's cute though, so I'll forgive her. :3

Annnnnd she wants to go to Target. At first when she was on the phone, I was like "Target?" "Yeah, they have really nice stuff there!"

You must understand, the only clothing store around Dove Creek is Wal-Mart. Target is like...The Loft in comparison.

There is this Super Target close to where they are staying, but I don't really know how to get there so I might end up taking her to the one over by Lowes.
I have a target gift card :D

I'm going for only two diet cokes today. Think I'll make it? I'm almost finished with one. Might take one when I leave...

And I never told my boss I was taking tomorrow off...oops. : /
well, I suppose I'll just take it off and get lectured later about how I'm supposed to talk to my boss about it. Goodness, I'm so horrible with procrastination. If I just did things when I'm told to do them, I'd have so much more free time. Oh! need to call the school. I can't find my grades (I think Erik took them because he didn't want mom to know that his grades came in too) so I need to get an unofficial transcript sent.


um. yeah. Might take Maranda (and possibly Eric?) to a movie tonight. I don't know when Matt gets in (he's flying in?) so...yeah. Maranda wants me to spend the night at the hotel with them. I might, just because I miss seeing them.

And then next week we go to Dove Creek :D
I'm excited. I get to stay for the 4th this year! /dance
It's the same every year, but it's so much fun (when you're with the right people). There's the dance on the 3rd, the parade on the 4th (and fireworks!), then there is usually something on the 5th. I have to leave that friday though, which is a bummer. Only one extra day for almost 200 dollars. worth it though, in my opinion.


Saturday I'm working a full day. Gotta pay for that spa day! :D I'm pretty excited. For spa, not work.

Secretly hoping for a phone call. That would be nice.

Oh! reminds me! Need to call Chris! He wanted to hang out with Maranda, so he might be shopping with us!

Nothing else really to say. Just...one hour and fifteen minutes or so to go.

ew, my face is dry

plans are foiled!

I forgot that almost all my friends had something to do today.

And I want to go to Aurora Reservoir.

Cindy suggested I call up Sean. I'm tempted, but what do you do at the reservoir with a guy whom you are not dating? play volleyball by yourselves?

haha, again, I'm lame with social interaction.


Or I could completely ditch the water idea and invite him out for ice cream? That sounds like a good idea to me...but I don't need any ice cream...
damnit, screw my figure. I'm going out for ice cream. Sean or no Sean.


edit:
Called Sean, as Cindy told me to (I'mgettingbetteratthisphoneusagething!). He didn't pick up, so I left a message. He called back as I was coming back from the pool (took Amy and her friend to go swim) and I was like ":D hi". Instant giddy.

We're going to DQ, despite the teasing Michelle will probably dish out.

or I could be mean and go to another DQ. haha.

Today is the last day that our basement will be unoccupied.
Tomorrow grandparents move in.

Dad is taking off today and tomorrow because he needs to help them move in. They are pretty old to be doing this.

So I am at work alone. Well, without my father. I kind of like it better when he is here because then I have someone to talk to. I feel really awkward around everyone else. Especially people my own age- which is odd.

There is this boy here working for office services. Yeah. He goes (is going?) to Texas A&M. There is this girl here who is a senior at CSM. Haven't met her yet. I've been told to, but I really just want to stick to my computers. My computers don't make me feel inferior.

Don't get me wrong! They aren't actually DOING anything to make me feel that way. They just know so much more and it makes me feel small in comparison.

But they all have been alive longer than me so I suppose I shouldn't really feel like that.

oh well!

Yesterday was odd. I was supposed to hang out with Chris. But I didn't.
And so...probably going to go over and offer up some soda because I feel bad for ditching them...and I should. I do this all the time to people.



I bought seasons one and two of House! I'm excited. It should be in the mail today, at my house by friday. Saturday at latest.

Annnd Maranda called the day before yesterday. My Aunt and Janie (sp?!) Stiasny are going to be here for a Tresurer confrence or sommat and so Maranda, my other cousin Felicity, my second cousin Ryder (Maranda's boy), Matt, and Eric are all going to be here. Soooo we're going to Elitches on Friday (not this one, the next friday) and stuff like that. yay?

Mom bought my ticket for coming back from Dove Creek...so I can stay another day there. This is exciting.

:D

There are probably only a few things that could make this day any better- now that I look at it.

Do you know who is excited for the weekend?

I am excited for the weekend. yes I am.
I might work a full day tomorrow.

Buuuuuut I need some money so. heh.
I also need to make thank you cards for people.


And get stamps for said thank you cards.

Oh boy. busy weekend ahead.

I called Sean yesterday to make sure we were still hanging out on Sunday.
He came over to pick up the presents on Saturday last week and said that I'd need to call to make sure he didn't forget. And I did. So there.

And Christina texted me yesterday as well.
Everything happened yesterday.



It's 4:00! we are leaving early today! yay!
off I go. Real update later (which may not happen, as per usual).

Plans for today include:
Working the rest of the four hours!
Call Maz to see if she got my note that I left her (dog and/or cat peed on the bed so I had to wash their sheets x.x)
SLEEEEEEEEEEP LONG TIME.

Sims 2 perhaps? I'm constructing a neighborhood with some weird families (and I want to make it into a story-ish neighborhood like the default ones).

I don't know. Chris was saying he'd steal me sometime this week, but I'm REALLY hoping it's not today. I want to take a nap.
I have been getting plenty of sleep, so I don't know what the deal is...maybe I am getting sick? My sister is sick, so it could be an option.

Also: need to get hair trimmed. It's looking quite disgusting at the moment. Probably some layering would fix that. It's funny. I get layers EVERY TIME and after a month it is all the same length again.

More drastic layers? I think so.

Annnnd depending on sleep schedule I might be working eight hours on Saturday. I don't know if I really want to, but I need money :/

thanks for sucking away all my money, college. Thanks. I completely forgot that I have a good 1000 dollars in a high interest college account. :D
So that should be a good 1010 dollars by now, right?
And some savings bonds!
oooooh I'm digging this.


And plans for Sunday...I'm thinking either seeing a movie or going to the Reservoir. I like the reservoir idea because 1) water is always fun. 2) it's not really date-like so it's probably better for the situation. 3) going to the movies is always the same- just different people. 4) outside is fun (with the proper amount of sun screen)

BUT!
I don't know.
There is the whole swimsuit issue.

Don't have to go swimming though, I suppose.
could do paddle boats :D
apparently there is hiking
but he has a bad knee, so that wouldn't be too cool.
"Hey Sean, why aren't you paddling your side? We are going in circles..."
"my knee is the size of a melon..."
yeah. that'd be great...

kayaking maybe?

I don't know.
Just really want to do something cool.
Well, I could run the idea by him. If he says no I'll just take...someone else. Michelle is going to be in Mexico, so I could ask Cindy. But I haven't done anything with Stephanie yet this summer (even go to her party D:!) so I could ask her.

Heck, I just want to go to the reservoir.
Anyone want to go?

Now that I am not in a pissy mood, I'll actually update.

Work has been fine. It jumps from having no work to having tons of work- both ends of the spectrum. Never just enough.

Same work as last year, which is disappointing because I was hoping to learn something new. I suppose I could pick up a book on something.
Maybe I don't want to be in IT...

I don't know. I have mixed feelings.

It's kind of sad though, they treat me like I am new, but I was there before a lot of the people who currently work there. There is just something in that that bugs me. A lot.

Even so, work is always great.
Except when I realize that I have to work tomorrow too.

That sucks.

Oh well. More money, right?
Since I really didn't get any scholarships, I really need it. I was really hoping for that ground water one but...didn't work out :/

Going to D'Corazon today! I love that place.

I need to call Sean.
And Christina.

There is a little part of me that wants "Next Sunday" to be this Sunday.
Really.
I'm kind of excited.

I don't know if I want to be friends anymore.

To you, I can never do anything right. You think I never want to hang out when the truth is I have a hard time finding time for even myself.

You crossed the line, and it's too late to come back.

Sorry I had to kick you out of my house that one day, but I had an AP test the next day. I know I said an hour, but I was behind that day.

You expect me to talk to you when you act cold toward me when I try to say hello? Just hello, and a hug, and you don't even respond. Not. One. Bit.

The door swings both ways, and I know that I'm not that great of a friend sometimes. I'm not saying I'm perfect.

But your behavior is uncalled for.

And that, my friend, is why I am not making an effort to talk to you.
Because you shot me down when I tried.

You gave me the impression you wanted space.
And that is what I have given you.



Sorry my translation was off.


And yes, I know you hate when I blog about you and our disagreements in public.
This warrants it though, especially since you have decided to hide yourself.

Dentist appointment TODAY.

ANNNNND I might get my hands on a LEGAL! copy of Windows vista for my laptop at home. :D yay.

so I'm leaving in an hour. I'm taking a half day today...because of dentist appointment and I want to go into Eaglecrest to see if my head is done...for ceramics. And of course visit the chem office. I miss the office...

Need to call Christina back sometime. Call Sean (since now I'm in charge of his graduation gift from Maz) aaaaaaaand playsimsallnightlong
ha

fifty pounds of rice.
FIFTY.

that's a lot.

Party was today.
Not many people showed up. Really wasn't expecting much, so it wasn't much of a disappointment. Much.

All my neighbors came by, which was nice. Even the Indian ones. Wasn't expecting that. The two eldest boys came by and gave me their gift. I got a head-scarf-thing that Islamic girls wear. It's beautiful, really. It has these little beads that are hand-stitched.
Truly magnificent.

Two of my friends showed up: Caley and Kenny. Caley had to leave a couple hours in to make it to another party, Kenny stayed until I took him home around 6:30 or so.

Spent most of the time just catching up with Kenny. We haven't talked face-to-face since January.

Talked about Eric a bit. He's not doing so hot apparently. Really don't know how to react to that. I mean, I hope he does better for himself. How are you supportive to a person like him? Don't know about that kid.

Thunder storms rolled in around seven. I stood on the porch just watching them come in.
I felt rather helpless.
 The wind blew around me and whispered in my ear.
I couldn't understand it all.
The ground and sky closed in on me.
I shook my head.
I can't deal with thoughts of this right now, I really can't.

and the world went back to the way it was supposed to be.
For now.