Making a Change:

I am about to finish The Last Empress, which is pretty exciting. It's kind of like a continuation of Empress Orchid, which was also amazing, and I'm really liking all the history. It's like a history lesson in an entertaining form! woot!

Then I think I'm going to read Confederacy of Dunces next, because I've read three books about China in a row, and I should probably expand my horizons.

This weekend I'm going to try and work a full day (eight hours?! wtf?!) and HOPEFULLY get physics done at home. My dad said he's going to fix up my computer- which it really needs. Especially since I not only work on it, I also play Sims on it.

I'm going to do well on my next tests, I've decided. I'm tired of failing so hardcore. DONE. 18/50 on a math quiz is no good. And 50/110 is not good either, even if it gets replaced with the physics final. I DON'T WANT TO REPEAT PHYSICS.

Also, I need to do research on resin and cation exchange. Hopefully I can get this next lab typed up before next week so all I have to do is put in numbers.

So...nothing else is really going on. It's kind of quiet in here, even though both Cindy and Michelle are in here. It's different.

I can't wait to see Severus Gregory again. I miss him.

So all that motivation I had yesterday is gone. Yeah, totally gone.

and on top of that I'm as moody as hell.

UGH.

I just failed a physics test
merely because I couldn't breathe and couldn't concentrate because I was like "fuck, I can't breathe!"

VERY disappointed.



my goal is to study harder so I don't fail as hardcore at this test.

This means not letting myself being distracted by people, which is my big problem.






Still. SHIT.

Today is just one of those days where I just don't feel good. Last night, pretty suddenly, I started feeling pretty horrid. My insides twisted and I just didn't want to be around anyone. Eventually I left all the little superbowl parties and went to my room and locked the door.

Today my throat is scratchy and every other time I breathe the air seems to get stuck. Talking is kind of painful and I've been drinking tea or warm water all day.

Classes were alright.
In chemistry I sat in front, I didn't want to but I feared that I wouldn't stay awake unless I sat there. Luckily he was cracking some jokes so I had a pretty easy time.

Physics wasn't so bad. It still blows my mind, but there isn't much I can do about it. If I want to graduate from this school, I must pass it. At least I went over a bunch of problems already, right?

Calculus put me in a pretty bad mood. 18.5/50. You know how humiliating that is? I UNDERSTAND everything she's taught us.
I just...need to go over the material more I suppose. The study lounge is a nice place- free of distractions. Maybe I should study there.

Earth is always awesome: the only thing that ever seems to make sense. So the bottom layer formed before the tops, okay? If something cuts through the already formed layers, it came after, okay?

After Earth, Andrea and I worked on physics in the study room for about three hours. We got probably half of it done. I really can't do any more than that today. It's all just so tiring. Too many numbers and too many forces.

All the girls seem to have sorority stuff going on this week, which makes them all stress about the tests coming up. Really, I try not to worry too much about tests. What's the use of worrying when could do something about it? Study, and when you can't study anymore- rest. What else can you do? If you don't rest, you can't do well on the test. You also can't do well if you don't study, but don't overdo it.



Dude, I'm just out of it.

Out of it.


On another note, I've started making eye contact and smiling. Aren't you proud?

Today was really uneventful.
In chem we did radioactive decay- which I USED to be good at, and apparently I still am even though I don't really know what I'm doing. I guess that's a good thing?

Let it be known that I LOATHE physics. There is no love for the subject.
Went to physics, it was alright. I kind of understand friction because I did the required reading, so I guess I should read the book more often than everyone else seems to have done and I'll be good.

look at the icon ------------->
Don't you love it?
<3 for michelle

ANYway. At the butt-end of physics there was a fire drill. So we got out a whole minute before we really should have (or he gave extra credit to the ones who came back...oh well).

Calculus was alright. A few people came in late, including Sean (if you haven't noticed, he's the person I like at the moment). Though most were only like a minute late, he was five minutes late.
Root is still just as boring as ever. Honestly it's hard to stay awake in the class.

Earth was amazing, as usual. We studied Sedimentary rocks and it made me squee with delight- I actually know what he's talking about and that's a wonderful feeling.

Came back to the room, and I wanted to go outside. I grabbed Cindy and Lisa and headed out, leaving a note for michelle to come and join us. However, we met her coming up the stairs and asked her to join us. She agreed, probably only because we didn't push her to play.

Lisa, Cindy, and I threw the Frisbee around a bit. None of us are really that great, but it was fun. Went to the coffee shop afterwards. Michelle has lots of pictures.

Went to slate with Andrea, Fish (Ashley), Laura, Eilene, and this girl named Sarah. Andrea kissed me on the cheek, it was awkward.

Guys gave me looks as I left- probably stemming from the Andrea-kiss.
Saw Matt on the stairwell, waved hello. Came back to the room and here I am, updating.

Now, aren't you glad you read all that?

While I am finally done with whatever illness I just had, I now have major cramps and a cold sore.

Last night was a horrible night to try and sleep. I just couldn't, it was odd. As I lie awake, I thought of many different things. I wanted to write letters to everyone, which would take time but would be nice for everyone in the long run.

Tomorrow is the first day of classes, I'm quite excited. Learning things really makes me happy. This semester I have harder classes, but I think that having harder classes might make me more motivated to stay on top of things.

Yesterday (or maybe it was the day before?) Ben kept texting me, resulting in a text that said "I would really like to see you this weekend if I can".
He's very nice.

Yesterday we went on a staples adventure that is documented in an album on Facebook, and I got my book. I'm still kind of wanting to get the Physics book since I have to take physics two, but I don't know. It's priced actually lower than anything I've found online, so it might be a good idea.

Everyone is back, and it's kind of loud. I am not exactly a fan right now of it but it's okay. Almost everyone on the floor has gym with me, which is exciting. However, none of them want to play games with me so I might still be pretty alone on that one. But it was canceled this week because the guy's wife has cancer so I have until next week for that. First thing tomorrow is Chemistry at eight, then it's Physics at ten, Calculus at noon, and finally Earth at one.

Thursday is the canceled gym class at eight, physics at ten, then calc at noon, and finally canceled chem lab at two.

I was somewhat sad to leave my family this time, but as soon as I got here I was glad I left. I'm feeling better now. I have a feeling that staying around my house all day was making me sick.

I saw Matt when we went to lunch, purely by chance. Said hello and chatted about his drive down from Dove Creek. He said he left yesterday, and as soon as he got to the Eisenhower Tunnel things changed. He went in, then on the other side it was blizzard-ing. He didn't think he was going to make it.

Tomorrow I get my first chance to test out my new glasses in class. Chris put them on and said "there is no difference" but there is. It's small, and only in the left lens, but I think it might help with my reading in class. My eyes have a hard time adjusting looking back and forth from notes and the board up front.

House has one episode on Jan. 29, then is on break until March-ish. I'm...not happy about this. I miss House.

Sooner or later, I'm going to get a job. A second one. I am in need of money.

I just got off the phone with Ben.
What I like about talking with him is that it isn't just mindless chatter- there is really thought put into the conversation.

Excellent, no?

So it's work tomorrow, then start packing things up. Go out with Ben for dinner. Sunday I head back to Golden. I'm going to buy myself a sweatshirt or something at the school store- my t-shirt has holes and a hoodie or something seems more...useful at this point.

Has anyone else's loans gone through for the next semester yet? Mine haven't and it's starting to worry me.

Thank GOD! or Allah! or whoever made it possible for me to pass these classes! I actually got a B in Calc, so I get to move on. And I got a C in Chemistry. My parents won't be happy, but I'm going to end up telling them to shove it if they give me grief.

Passed. Ah. Tis a good feeling.

So I'm awake. I can't sleep. Rather than keep michelle awake, I'm sitting in the hall and trying to study chemistry while I have the chance. since I can't sleep I might as well get something done, right?

The girl down the hall, stephanie, is up as well. Grace is up as well. it sounds like her boyfriend is here?

I wish they kept the heaters on out in the hall...though it would be a waste...I'm just cold.

cold cold cold



and again, I wish I could sleep.

I need to pay my fines. I really want to check out books, my problem is I never turn them in on time. It should be like netflix where they are never late, but if they are in your possession for more than a year you might have to pay for them. I hope one day to have a personal library.

I'm chilling here in the library so as to give Michelle and her group more room in our room to work. There is this book on the shelf that I am...really wanting to read. The thing is, it's huge. Really really huge. I might just read a bit of it and then just come back for it after break. or...I could utilize the library on Smoky Hill Road. The Arrogance of Power by Anthony Summers. Looks rather interesting.

Too bad the library here has almost no fiction section. So many books, but not so many that I want to read.

EPICS project should be as good as done. Joseph was given everything (minus the final product drawing) and he should have it bound by....four-ish? Hopefully, or we're screwed.

Lah.

I watched some Youtube videos of Kurt Vonnegut and ...I was upsetted by Fox's portrayal of him in their "tribute". They were just not really nice and very very very very biased. He did call for the president's impeachment, but you know...sometimes going against the ruler is a good thing.
I don't know. I have my opinions, everyone else has theirs. No one will EVER have your exact opinion. If they do, they are lying.

I'm trying to find more things to do so I don't have to go back to the room, but it looks like I'll be going back here in thirty minutes or so. I'll probably just chill in Cindy's room. Grab some tea or coffee.

oooooo. We could go to JavaCity and get some drinks. mmmmm. I'm liking this idea. Gotta use my money somehow. I might be changing my plan next year to the one that Michelle had this semester. I didn't eat as much as I thought - mostly because we had rice.

Something needs to be done for Maz for Christmas. Maybe we could go sing her Chemistry Christmas Carols? Imissher : /

I'm not stressing probably as much as I should. You know, the heathy "I've got to get this done" kind of stressing. I haven't studied Chemistry like I should. However, it's freaking Ideal Gas Law. How do you mess that up? PV=nRT

Bleh.

This week, despite the finals next week, is going to be a good week. Hell Yes.

Coffee happens now. Go.

Tonight I plan on working on Calculus (no, really!).
I actually did the Solidworks practice exam. It was actually fairly easy...I only questioned myself twice and then I fixed the problem. Excellent.

I'm feeling rather ill. I don't know if it's just the cold weather coming in or that I'm stressed (or maybe I'm really sick?!) but it makes me not feel like doing anything except sleeping. I slept for ten hours the other night (plus a little because I also took a nap) so I know my problem is not lack of sleep. A theory I've come up with is that I'm not being active enough. Therefor, I am going to actually work out (wtf, right?) and Cindy agreed to go with me tonight so I'm excited!

I covered the television so I wouldn't be tempted to watch it, and it's actually working! House is on tonight (just in case you didn't know) so it will have to be moved, but that's fine.

someone just called for Rob? okay...

Um... there really isn't much going on.

It's funny though. There are times when I decide that I'm going to give up on guys, then all of a sudden there is one that ends up being interested in me. I become infatuated (because it's easy for me to do so) and then they are like "oh, sorry. not what I'm looking for". Well, what were you looking for? seriously. Obviously there was something about me that you liked. I guess it's a perception problem.
Whatever.

Taking airborne. ugh. HATE this stuff, but it is supposedly works so... I guess it's worth it.


&lt;3 XD

Trigun always makes me want to rethink my morals and obligations in life.

"Never hold back in matters of the heart"
-Milly

So today was pretty uneventful. Except that's a lie.

Woke up at six. Did the normal wake-up routine. Chem was interesting. Michelle didn't like the teacher, but I did. Maybe he was just tired by four.

Didn't go to calculus which was a good thing. I worked on EPICS all day, and I think I did a good job. The presentation didn't go so smoothly but...eh. Evan helped me recover. It's funny, when we got out Joseph was like "man, five minutes in there and I sweat like a pig" and it made me feel better about my over-perspiring problems. 

In the middle of the day I got to hang out with this kid from the second floor. His name is Xuy (pronounced swee) and he's pretty nice. We climbed the boulder out in front of the Outdoor Rec Center. Just sat there and talked. It was...refreshing.
Realized that I hadn't thought much about my life after college.
Have I ever mentioned how I never thought I'd make it this far?
Constantly when I was little I didn't think I'd make it another year. Sometimes I would get so sick that I'd think "this is it. This is how I'm going to die. In bed- sick." It's weird how I've always thought that. Then once I got a bit older, I started thinking that I'd end up in an accident or something. Death by car. I haven't thought like that for a while now.

"I kill spiders to save the butterflies. It's simple logic."


So, tomorrow I am finishing my essay.
"no one ever has the right to take the life of another person"
"everyone deserves a future"

and...getting it edited. Then re-typing it. Then I'll completely hate it and retype it again.
Then some math homework-if I have time. Solidworks.


This needs to be done in order to go to the party on Wednesday.
I would love me some cuddles. /sigh.

"It's hard to be alone. I don't want to be alone."
But you're not alone. So be happy.

Maybe I should update. I don't really know what to say; not much has happened.

There is a lot of homework to be done.



Cindy, Jen, and I went bowling with Matt (from Chem) and Jordan and Chelsea. It was really fun. Got a hug from Chelsea and when I shook Jordan's hand he was like "it was nice to see you" in his nice voice. Not the "I'm a jerk" voice that he usually uses.

I'm excited for friday, already. I'm practically guaranteed  company. Apparently Josh felt bad for not hanging out with me on friday? When I got back to the dorm after bowling there was no one here, really. It was rather lonely.


Richard is doing well. He hates me, but that's okay.

um? anything else?
Not really. I need to go to target.

And I'm hungry.

So, Michelle basically said everything about yesterday morning, so I'll start in the afternoon.

I was supposed to be studying for the chem test but I figured, hey, if I don't know this stuff now, when will I know it? So I cleaned and ironed my sheets. They are less wrinkly now and I think I can live with that.

I really need to focus more. focus, rachel, focus. Sometimes I think I need A.D.D. pills like my brother.

My NHV teacher gave me the weekend to make up that paper I didn't turn in about two weeks ago. "I don't want you starting in the hole." He's pretty cool. I don't know why everyone seems to dislike that class, it's really not all that bad. Just suck it up.

A bunch of the girls on the floor and I went to dinner. As always, the discussion went to sexual escapades. The boys at the table behind us were listening intently, and Grace was very outspoken on how they could look all they want, but they'd never get any. It was rather funny.

Test was fine, but I still haven't memorized my cwid, which is apparently what every class needs on an almost daily basis.

Need to go in to the prof. and tell them my cwid so my test can be graded. do that monday.

I think I did okay on the test, maybe not GREAT, but okay.


I tried to sleep last night, it took me about two hours. There was no michelle typing at the computer, so I couldn't sleep. Music was turned on in order to help me sleep. It was...not that great.

/sigh.

Josh is going to be here in approx. three hours.
And I was just asked what I am going to wear.

"What are you going to wear? because if you're wearing that you'll look like a hot, sexy mama"

Oh Grace.

I don't know how to take life in stride.
I guess that's my problem, things hold me back.
Slowly my thinking processes are coming back- nothing compared to what they were a couple years ago, but that's what you get for keeping a shoddy boyfriend and having to worry all the time about what he did behind my back.

Lately I've taken to volunteering a lot, it keeps my mind occupied between classes.


Problem: I can't express myself without throwing myself at you or just blurting out something I shouldn't have said.

Also, I have a tendency of not being...overly mature. Though, if being mature means getting drunk and having buttloads of sex, it's not for me. I can get my thrills somewhere else.



For a while I wanted to be cynical and distanced. I could, if I really wanted to. No one would like me afterward, but it could be done.



Honestly, I think I'm okay this way...but just okay. I'm not great by any means. whoever says so is selling something.

School is stressful...kind of, right now. I missed an assignment the other day and I've been working really hard to make sure it doesn't happen again. Tomorrow is my long day, I will need to eat before calc tomorrow, and then head to my chem lab in Coolbaugh 220. I'm kind of looking forward to it, kind of not. On one hand, it's chemistry. On the other, I don't get lunch for three hours (strike that, four).
So pretty much, by the time I am getting out I have about one and a half hours to get my food and finish EPICS crap.


Going out with Josh tomorrow. The plan SO FAR is that I'm going to Boulder and we're going to have tea, do a twilight hike, and then watch a movie.

I must say, Josh has some awesome date ideas. I've never actually been to a tea shop, and as of this time last week I had never been to any performance bar/things.

This is pretty sweet.

So, I felt very nice waking up in my Mines environment this morning. I have come to the conclusion that the air in Aurora is too polluted and that is why my nose was all plugged up.

I do miss friends and family in the Aurora area, but I don't necessarily miss Aurora itself. Move up to Golden, guys! It's good for you!

I have the memo to write for EPICS still, but I really don't know what to say. I've done SOME research, though I suppose I should do more. I have a few questions in mind for it, but I feel like snatching some of michelle's because hers sound more professional. It is just a draft, so I suppose it would be alright.

One of these days I need to just go up and meet my professors. NHV class there is no need, since it's such a small class. But other classes like my chemistry class- I need to go up and shake his hand so he knows who I am.

Today I left my keys in the chemistry lecture room. I was scared that I'd go in in the middle of a class, but luckily for me there was no class :D

Also! today is the first day I'll have my actual Calculus teacher. I hope she's nice.

Today is Cindy's birthday. We are going out to dinner to celebrate, which is going to be an adventure. I've only been on main street of Golden, so I don't know what else is around.



Nothing else really going on...at all. I was sad that some girls didn't remember cations and anions.
Lack of basic chemistry knowledge makes me sad.

Today is my last day working as an IT Intern (Yes, they actually put that on the portal. I am calling myself an intern rather than "summer help").

I was talking to Steve (my boss) and he said that I should probably go into the geology department. I don't really want to say "but that's boring!" but it is. Unless I live in Trinidad, I'll end up doing paperwork crap.
If I'm looking through paperwork, I'd rather be in the seismology (?) department with Ed.



It kind of just hit me last night that I'm actually going to college. Really, I hadn't expected to make it this far. I was sure that I'd die of stress or something ridiculous before I got there, like being swarmed by bees and ending up being allergic...yeah.
But I'm leaving friday. For college. My FIRST CHOICE college none-the-less (though I still am conviced I was let in by a fluke, my grades pretty much sucked).

I'm going to miss downtown. Working here at least. In the middle of all the hustle and bustle.

(and let it be noted that from this office window I can see my second choice school- CU Denver, which would have put me not very far from Pioneer's office)

I can actually see Elitches from here too. This building pertty much is the largest in LODO, so you can see pretty much anything from the confrence room window. It wraps around the side of the building, so all the mountains are in clear view. It's really nice. I like it here.

Hopefully we have a good view from our dorm room. It'd really suck to be stuck with a crappy view all year- then again there would be less distraction from looking out the window.

Today is just...really calm. I like it.

I hope mines doesn't kill me.

So last night was pretty awesome. Called Sean around six (I got home pretty late from work :/). We decided to go to Transformers, but before that we were going to dinner because he was hungry.

He got to the house, and then we were off. At first we didn't know where to go- so we decided Old Chicago was always a good place to go. We got there and it was pretty loud. Whenever he talked, I could barely hear him. He ordered a classic sub with a coke, and I got my usual cheeseburger with pepperjack cheese and, instead of diet coke, I got water. Water is free, you know.

There was a game on: Detroit vs. White Sox. I was cheering on white sox because I hate detroit with a passion (bad bad bad memories of a stupid, horrible teacher), but he was cheering on detroit because he doesn't like the white sox. We made fun of the pitchers together. Good times, good times.

Got to the theater and it was raining. Noticed that we couldn't make it to the next showing of Transformers (next showing was at 8:50, this was around 7:30), so we went to I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry.

I sat down in the chair, and took up both arm rests because Sean was just sitting there with his arms crossed. I took that as "you can have the arm rest".

Got out at around 9:50 or so. Proceeded to talk about his army plans and stuff. He already took the test (which he says he missed one question on), and is just waiting to get called in to do the physical check and stuff.

He said he's excited because he gets to repel(or whatever it is you do when you go down the rope) out of a helicopter- but half of the people break their legs doing it.
Yeah.

It was fun.
Got to my house, and I gave him a hug. Got in the house, and posted what I posted last night.

I pretty much feel asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.

This morning I had my usual peanut butter on toast (I'm going to miss that...) and a glass of milk.

My cat proceeded to attack me for my milk. He's fiesty. You have to beat him off with a stick if you don't want him around when you have food.

This morning, my favorite co-worker Ed is sending me stuff on all these lectures they have at Mines. You know, if I have time I really would like to go to these. They sound REALLY FREAKING INTERESTING. Hopefully I'll have some time. AND! he just found this one lecturer (apparently he was on a ship with him?) that has the same view on global warming as I do! fantastic!

Scientific research that just shows that climate changed have happened in the past and will continue to happen: no matter how dramatic, it's natural. FANTASTIC.


ILOVESCIENCE. OMG.
I'm excited, even with my crappy schedule, I just can't wait.

Monday

• Chemistry 8-8:50
• Calculus 11-11:50
• Nature and Human Values 12-12:30
• Design (EPICS) 5-6:50

Tuesday

• Physical Education 8-8:50
  
• CSM 101 11-11:50
• Nature and Human Values 3:30-4:45

Wednesday

• Chem 8-8:50
• Calc 11-11:50
• EPICS 5-6:50

Thursday

• PE 8-8:50
• Calc 11-11:50
• Nature and Human Values 3:30-4:45

Friday

• Chem 8-8:50
• Calc 11-11:50
• Chem lab 12-12:50
• EPICS 5-6:50

Fuck you so much Mines. Fuck. You.

Dentist appointment TODAY.

ANNNNND I might get my hands on a LEGAL! copy of Windows vista for my laptop at home. :D yay.

so I'm leaving in an hour. I'm taking a half day today...because of dentist appointment and I want to go into Eaglecrest to see if my head is done...for ceramics. And of course visit the chem office. I miss the office...

Need to call Christina back sometime. Call Sean (since now I'm in charge of his graduation gift from Maz) aaaaaaaand playsimsallnightlong
ha

fifty pounds of rice.
FIFTY.

that's a lot.