Making a Change:

So. After a very- and when I say very I mean VERY- eventful weekend, I decided that life is okay. I'm not going to say great considering I just dropped most of the money I made this summer on books and a new phone... and I'll hopefully be paying my rent from over the summer here soon... Maybe as soon as I get my deposit back from ex-landlord Kevin Hunt? Getting a bit antsy about it since he probably took out a good portion just because he's a jerk.

But I'm kind of excited about this next year! I don't have to retake anything this semester like I thought I would have to: WHICH IS AMAZING. I have three classes specifically for my major this semester which excites me more than you can imagine! Greatest thing of all: I'm on track to graduate in FOUR years. That's right, folks. FOUR. Not five, not six, but four. This is a miracle! No doubt.

Also: everyone is getting back to Pi Phi, which is exciting at least to me. My roommate came in yesterday and it seems like we'll be getting along quite well...hopefully. This also means APO will be starting up soon too (approximately a week from today!) which, again, is exciting.

This year I'm going to try my hardest to not let some things get to me. However, I am going to try to stand my ground when it comes to things I believe in and when I'm supposed to be the leader. Most of my issues last year stemmed from ... mostly being a doormat. We'll see what happens this year- hopefully nothing too dramatic?

Trying hard to plan things ahead of time for APO events. I know I'm going to be busy so hopefully this will work. I don't know. Hopefully I can get some activities in that people like because... as much as APO is founded on Service, you need Fellowship there too so people can get to know each other and bond. Ya'know?


In other news: Ben got us tickets to the Circus on the 30th of September which will hopefully be fun! 7th row or something awesome like that. SUPER EXCITED. He also got us Rob Thomas tickets, but most of you already know that... and you will probably hear it over and over again until after the concert. It's just really exciting and I'm sorry if it's annoying but...that's how I am.
Also got a new phone: the eV3. It's blue and SHINY. Got a 8% off discount for working at Pier one! It's not a lot...but it's still enough. It pays to work at certain places!


That's really...it. Cheers

So I haven't shown you guys my new room yet. It's really taken a while, but it's all put together now. Well... at least as far as MY stuff goes. I don't know what's going to happen when Anya moves in on the 15th. Hopefully she'll like how I arranged things. If you guys haven't noticed, I like maximizing floorspace. Considering I do a lot of work on the floor I thought it was a good idea.

( my new living space )

But here you go! Isn't it precious?

In other news, I think I need to go to the eye doctor. For those of you that have lived with/around me you'll know that I have glasses with a very very very low prescription for my astigmatism in my left eye (right side is just glass). Things have been getting blurry lately and I think I may have to actually USE them on a regular basis. We'll see what happens.

Annnnnnnnddd.... That's it. YAY!

I'd really update more... if I wasn't running around like a chicken with it's head cut off.

Life has been stressful to say the least. Two classes over the summer may have been a mistake and my gpa will plummet because of it. Thermo I'm doing alright in, Mechanics of Materials...not so much. Hopefully I did better on this last exam, but I'm not holding my breath. I really NEED to study more for this class but finding time has been a hassle. Between work and school I'm pretty much working the equivalent of two full-time jobs (this includes the 4+ hours of homework per day for each class), but I don't want to not see my friends so I've been trying to see them too. And of course I've been going to Ben's every Friday to see him, and sometimes he goes to Golden to see me.

Last week, Wednesday to be exact, I started freaking out about just everything. I felt like I just failed my exam, I didn't understand the homework, everything going on with my family, not enough money for school next semester... it just made me snap and all I wanted to do was cry. Things are better now, but I'm still super-stressed out and I'm probably not going to do too much with anyone until I'm on my two week summer vacation.

Things at work are getting busier. At least at Pier One... If I had enough hours to work in the day I'm sure I could be hired on as a Sales Lead- but alas I only get about 22-25 hours per week which is 8-5 hours below the minimum for the position. There have been a lot of people quitting so we were down to about...five sales associates and three managers. We just hired a girl named Lydia and it sounds like we'll hire someone else too. Hopefully we can get at least eight! Seriously. Almost all of us are working almost thirty hours each a week to make up for the lack of people and you can tell it wearing everyone down.

Metro Brokers is slow, but that's to be expected at this time. No one wants to move while their children are going off to college. Hopefully it'll pick up around September a bit. The pre-holiday stuff, you know. Move before you put out the tree and house-lights.

My mom talked to me this morning and apparently my parents want to take us to Mexico for Mine and Erik's birthdays. I talk about how I would like some fruity drink or a rum and coke: she shakes her head. Hey, you take me to Mexico when I'm legally of age in my own country, I'll have a damn alcoholic beverage. It's not like I'm going to drink 'til I'm drunk. Not that they know about it, but at parties I don't even do that- it's really just not my thing. Too bad she doesn't understand that. One drink every so often does not an alcoholic make.

On a completely different note:Angel, our dog of seven years, has a fast-growing cancer. She has a couple of weeks or so... We've been spoiling her quite a bit. Also got a puppy. We're not trying to have it take her place- no other dog will be quite a sweet as Angel is- but it does dull the feeling of loss.

Living in the sorority has been pretty cool. Nice, fast internet that isn't named anything like cuntnugget, a dishwasher, cable, multiple nice places to study, and locking bathroom doors (and bedroom too, but I don't have my key...yet? yet I hope). It's been nice also having a washer and drier so I don't have to ship things to and from my parent's house.

Ugh, my body hurts.

Other than that, life is good.
Cheers

So, there hasn't been an update in a while. This kind of saddens me.

Right now I'm living out of a suitcase at my parent's house. I'm temporarily residing there so I can babysit a couple kids. It is good money for just waking them up, feeding them, and taking them to their respective camps.

Next week school starts up for me again. I honestly can't wait. Just working all the time really gets tiring. Though it has been nice getting twenty hours a week. Nice paychecks...

Anyway. Ben might be (actually it's almost certain: I just don't want to jinx it) getting a job at Dish Network. This is good. I have a toothbrush at his house now. IT'S A BIG DEAL. Actually it's not really a big deal.


Now. I visited Sam and Riley yesterday. I love visiting them! However, this morning I get a text from Sam. Eric (you know, cheated on me, left me [twice!], said he wanted to get back with me then dumped me a day later: that Eric) has asked her out. I realize a lot of what happened between him and I is my own damn fault and I should stop being so...crazy over it, but still.
I mean, I love Sam to death. If he makes her happy, so be it. I just hope that he has changed and that he endeavors to deserve her.

Plus, I really still want karma to kick his ass.

ANYway.
I guess I should say that I passed all my classes last semester. Passed being a relative term for Calculus III. I'm hoping Diff EQ is easier than that, but you never know. I'm hoping with a lot of work and determination I can pull my GPA to a 3.0 and pass everything well from here on out. Maybe ask for Saturday evenings off so that I can spend time with Ben at least once a week, then maybe friday evenings with my family... Pretty sure that my life will turn into a schedule again as soon as fall semester starts. Hate it, but that's the way it goes.

Pretty happy though about this next week. I get TWO days off. Super awesome, I think. Monday and Thursday. Need to get times switched with somebody on friday since I can't open seeing as I babysit Blake and Rory in the mornings...

Anyway. Life is good.

Cheers

So I somewhat did what my mom said and today I applied for two internships. One in Utah and one in Maryland.

GOOGLESEARCHDON'TFAILMENOW.

Not that I have anything else to do ANYWAY. Since they blocked EVERYTHING.

And the phones changed so they are all...weird. I don't know. People are all "I've been on the line twenty minutes" and I'm all "sorry! It doesn't even show me you called! D:!"

On the plus side though, I've spent time with Ben and his family (at least his brothers) AND I got to sleep in on Saturday. YAY! I'm pretty sure this isn't my brother's or sister's break so unfortunately I probably won't be able to spend much time with them except for tonight and maybe tomorrow night if I decide to stay there. Maybe I should stay another night- if anything, for my brother's sake. He did kinda just stick up for me the other day.
My siblings are becoming exponentially cooler as they get older/more mature. Thank goodness.

I'm pretty excited for habitat for humanity on wednesday! I've always wanted to do it, but I just haven't ever been able to. On that note: I need work gloves. Considering what I want to do with my life, it would probably be a good idea to have them anyways. And probably need to find sturdy shoes, because my tennis shoes are falling apart/ made out of cloth instead of leather.

Also: Initiation for Pi Phi in a few weeks! :D
Also, Also: APO is only a few steps from being a chapter! :DD
Also, Also, Also: Sean's parents okayed us using their cabin in Bailey! Retreat for APO after all! :DDD

Also, Also, Also, Also: I still need to get fellowship paperwork done x.x damn.

BUT! In minerology Rebecca, Kristin (sp?!) and I have decided to start a study group. Once a week (or more depending on material) from like 7-9pm in the lab classroom. Hopefully I can pull my grade up. UGH. I hate/love that class so much.

Oh. Need to study statics as well. I wish I didn't suck at it and that he would give us a review because that is what helped me do well on the previous exam. Jackass, saying we needed to study just the class problems and not a guide. WHAT IF THAT IS HOW I STUDY, EH? EVER THINK OF THAT YOU... ANGRY JERKFACE?! /fail.

just hope I don't fail. I really can't afford to fail.

Nothing much has been going on. Actually that's a lie.

So since winter break I've done quite a few things. I shed the title of VP of Membership in APO, retaining only VP of Fellowship (resulting in me being lower on the totem pole which, yes, sometimes bothers me). This has taken quite a bit of stress off my shoulders.
Recently joined Pi Beta Phi because I needed a change. A good one. Pi Phi and APO actually go a little more hand-in-hand than you'd think. The combination is actually quite nice as APO is more service and Pi Phi is more academic which balances out excellently! I don't remember when I've felt so driven to just DO things.

Ben really wants to get on my mother's good side. Or that's the impression he's given. Already that's a one-up on almost everyone I've ever dated. Mom's still giving me a hard time. Dad just wants me happy. I don't know that I've been any different than before, in fact I'm pretty sure I was being a better person than before.
Anyway.

Really into country music lately. Actually it's usually a cycle. During winter and fall it's more just alternative, and when it starts warming up it's country.
Maybe because this is the time of year where I make my trip to Dove Creek usually? USUALLY I go to Dove Creek during spring break rather than winter, and then again in summer. Can't wait for this summer! Though perhaps if I want to go to the dance again, I should probably semi-learn to dance. No more bruised toes, thanks.

Got a raise at Metro Brokers! Now 15 dollars an hour! It's awesome. About 200 dollars a paycheck which almost pays the bills itself, but still working at Pier One to have a little extra income. Though, I've found that it's cheaper to even live in the Sorority house than live here... Which is lame. Though I will miss being here, I won't miss the management. No way.

Ben's leaving in  a little less than 47 days.

So I only had one can of diet coke yesterday. No other sources of caffeine. I was SO tired last night I just passed out. Seriously.

Right now I'm so tired. I can't even begin to tell you how tired I am. BUT! I don't have to work today after this (thank goodness!) so I can go home and crash...but I'll most likely go to the Rec Center.

Have I told you how awkward it is being in the freshman pledge class when you're not a freshman? Pretty awkward. They're a wonderful group of ladies, don't get me wrong: it's just hard to find something in common with them even though they are only a year below me (though a couple of them are academically ahead of me...). We'll all be pretty good friends, I'm sure. Also as a spring pledge I kind of feel as though I'm coming in in the middle of everything, ya'know? Probably should have done this last school year- it would have been a little less awkward.

ANYWAY. Spending time with Ben was awesome. We tried to play "Rome" which seems like Age of Empires except you play on a board. We used pieces from Monopoly and some zombie game and Risk and... it was working but it takes a helluva long time. So after four-five hours (I think?) of playing, each of us only having four turns, we decided to quit. We being mostly Nick and myself. I was TIRED AS ALL HELL.

On the way to work today I took the wrong road- I started heading back to Golden- so I ended up NOT going to the store to buy something for lunch. Didn't have breakfast so I'm STARVING. It may get to the point where I call my parents...but I hope not. They have food here I'm allowed to eat so... I'll try to keep to that for a while


I wish I was still curled up with Ben. /sigh.

SO! I went to the doctor today for a check-up. You know, full "woman check-up". So I get there. It was awesome. Then they are like "okay, time for you to put on the gown!" which was horrid. Not only was it ALREADY cold in the room, the AIR CONDITIONING was on. Apparently it was to be fixed. but IT WASN'T.

So I'm there, chillin on the table when BUZZZZZZZZ. My phone vibrates. I got a text message. I try to get off the table without losing my very revealing paper garb. SUCCESS! I get to the message and it's a 970 number. "hey whats up"
First thought was "who the hell is this?" then was "must be someone from dove creek". Then it was "Brenda would have spelled something wrong". Then "ooooooooh! Grant." Promptly I save his number again so that I won't be so confused again. So here I am, pretty much naked, texting with my ex. I text Ben, because I would much rather text Ben while nude than grant, but that just turns into a dead-end conversation.

FINALLY Doctor comes in and does the exam thing. I am much relieved. No texting while talking to the doctor!

You see, I don't like ignoring people who are texting me. I always think "what if it's urgent?" I guess they would call, but you never know!

/anti-climaxtic story.

Anyway, apparently he got back with this one chick like... yesterday? I think it was yesterday. And then last night she cheated on him soooooo... he was asking for advice. She's done this before and she just begged for forgiveness and said she changed: dump her.

Spent lots of time at home. Did laundry and went to Olive Garden with my mom and caley! then while my laundry was drying I hung out with caley and it was FUN TIMES ON THE XBOX OMG. I want one now, even though I haven't wanted one for years. And Fable II.

Anyway. Got home, tried to do statics. Was less eager when I found that calculus classes were canceled and the urge to go to microeconomics is near to zero so.... DURING THAT TIME. I've got them copied down and crap. YAY.


( other stuff )

Bloodwork should be done by next week, btw. Along with female tests and std tests. Apparently my murmer wasn't too bad/ they are waiting for my tests to come back. So... I DON'T KNOW! YAY!

Ben's leaving on the 21st of april.


( Put it behind you now )

I have come to terms... and I'm going to be supportive. Yes, indeed.

What comes next?


In other news: my mom had surgery on Wednesday for her two hernias. It sounds like everything went well, which is good. They tend to screw up everything when it comes to my mother.

Er. Classes are fine... I guess. At any rate, they make the time go faster. Though that can be considered a bad thing...

At work everyone seems to be on a war-path. It's very hostile and I don't really enjoy being there anymore. Since I got Sundays at Metro Brokers I don't really NEED Pier One, but... I'm willing to give it a bit. If things don't get better within the next month or two I'll just go look for another job. Seriously, I have enough to worry about. I don't need to worry about being fired from Pier One for minor mistakes. Seriously.

my mother called my aunt and told her the "situation". Apparently my Aunt Janet will be calling me.

Though what I think will happen is they'll have a "sit down" with me when I'm home today. I half expect it. If that is the case I will be leaving promptly.
First off, I don't appreciate her going behind my back like that.
Secondly, this WILL cause me to dislike my family possibly forever.
Thirdly, it's not helping, it's hurting. I feel like I've been backed into a corner.
Lastly, this is probably the LEAST Christian thing to do- just so it isn't blamed on the faith of my family and...oh wait. Me too. NO WHERE does it say THOU SHALT SCRUTINIZE THY FAMILY


this is... really tearing me apart : /

To summarize why I'm in a terrible mood.

• I'm fsking tired.
• my mom doesn't approve of Ben merely because he isn't Christian
  
• ...that's pretty much it

I did snap at my dad, so tomorrow I'll be buying his favorite coffee and asking forgiveness.
Deep down, I hope he got at least a little mad at my mother and told her off or something. Anything.

She brought up that she didn't approve of Ben 1)In front of my cousin whom I haven't seen in two years and 2) in front of her side of the family including two people I don't really know who are VERY Christian. She'll no doubt be backed up by them: she knows it. Not only does this put a damper on the Christmas day thing (you know, good will towards fellow men) but this puts a major major strain on me as I do like my family and would...you know...like to be a part of it.

I feel at this point that I'm pretty much NEVER allowed to be happy for very long. I...am not sure what I did to deserve this but I don't think that I did much of anything. So... cut it out please? Thanks.

The trip to Dove Creek was awesome!
A much needed time away from the busy life.
I had an early flight, departure at 8:15. Got to the airport VERY early so once I was at my gate I just sat and read a book. There was this guy next to me (next meaning he sat two seats away) that was waiting for his granddaughter to arrive. Apparently the last time he had seen her was when she was seven, now she's fourteen. Crazy.
Read the rest of my book (A Christmas Carol) on the plane. It was really short, but very good. Growing up I've always watched A Muppet Christmas Carol with my brother all throughout the season so whenever there was a part I recognized the songs played in the back of my head. It was awesome.

Got to Cortez Municipal Airport and was met by my grandparents, cousin Brenda, and Aunt and Uncle. My Aunt and Uncle were only there for the laptop I carried in my suitcase (which was theirs, but... really guys? Aren't you glad I'm here?). Got to my grandparent's house. They installed new flooring in the kitchen and part way into the living room. Re-painted as well.
Most of the time I was there I was just hanging out. My other Aunt and Uncle visited often (their business has yet to be moved out of my grandparent's basement...) and Maranda made a surprise visit! Saw my Aunt Michelle briefly.
It was snowing a LOT. Roads were horrible. We only went into town twice, both times I brought my phone because I don't get service at my grandparent's house and I needed to check messages just in case work called BUT I don't know my voicemail password so I couldn't... Stupid T-mobile.

The last full day I was there my grandma taught me how to crochet! I had quite a bit done but I was unhappy with it so I unraveled it and started again. I'm gonna make a scarf and then I'll send it to my grandparents. It'll be awesome. However, I need to find my hook that is hidden in my house somewhere, or I'll have to buy new ones. I'm thinking I'll just go to walmart and get some after Christmas...
Anyway. Time comes for me to leave.  Left an hour earlier than we needed to just in case the road to Cortez was bad. It was. When we got to the airport I got all checked in and sat down. At first there weren't many people, then this bus FULL of people comes and it was really loud. The lady says the plane that left at 4:17 (the time that I was supposed to leave according to MY TICKET) was ACTUALLY for the people who just got bussed there from Telluride. I was... pretty pissed. They didn't know where the plane I was supposedly supposed to get on was or if it even was supposed to come in. They check all the Telluride people into the plane. I call my dad saying to not go to the airport because I don't even know if I'm going to be leaving that day (which really pissed me off because I was supposed to work the next day!). All of a sudden they are like "Passengers on the Cortez flight, go through security. We're putting you on this plane". So I say goodbye to my grandparents and cousin, almost crying like I always do when I have to leave, and go to the security line. Lady in front of me is unorganized, and has three trays worth of stuff to put on the plane.
Finally get onto the plane. It's literally full. No extra seats. As I buckle my seatbelt the other plane comes in right next to us. Great.
They take half an hour to de-ice the plane. I call my dad and tell him to continue heading to the airport. They got me on a plane.
Had nothing to do on the plane because they don't allow you to use electronics because it is such a small plane and anything WILL mess with the navigation equipment (though I'm pretty sure it's just for wireless devices).  ANYWAY. Got there, met my dad.

Went home. Did laundry and hung out with my family.
Mom was in pain and on meds. Brother and Sister were bouncy and hyper. Erik and I will be decorating a gingerbread man hopefully on this saturday.

Made my excuses and went over to see Ben. Watched them (being Takashi and Ben, Chris was watching and playing on his laptop) play a video game for a while, then watched Forbidden Kingdom with Ben. Er. Went to bed. Woke up and was on the computer for a bit. Tried to sleep again, was successful for an hour then I woke up again, this time for good. Hung around with Ben and Chris. We went to Wendy's and then it started to pellet snow. AND WE SAW LIGHTENING IN THE SNOW. Then I got toilet paper and dropped Ben and Chris off at their house. Got on the highway and NO ONE CAN DRIVE IN THE SNOW OMG. Took almost two hours to get home. Called my mom while I was at a standstill. She was mis-diagnosed at the ER. She couldn't work due to pain one day so I took her there. She hurt on her right side (this is important to say) and they took an ultrasound and said it was because of a cyst. They gave her pain meds. It wouldn't stop hurting even with oxycodine so she went to the doctor and they took a look at her ultrasound. They asked what side it hurt on, she says right. "So the pain has switched sides?" "No...". The cyst was on her LEFT ovary. LEFT. They're doing tests to see what else it could be- they're thinking she tore a muscle. YAY.

Er. What else?
Schedule for the next couple weeks:
Today:
-Pier One 6:30pm-10:30pm
Saturday:
-Metro Brokers 8:30am-12:30pm
-Pier One 6:30pm-10:30pm
Sunday:
-Pier One 4pm-8pm
Monday:
-Pier One 8pm-11pm
Tuesday:
-Pier One 12pm-4pm
Wednesday
-Pier One 2pm-6:30pm
Thursday
-CHRISTMAS KOMG
Friday
-Pier One 8am-12pm
Saturday
-Metro Brokers 8:30am-12:30pm
-NO PIER ONE!OMG!!!11!

so next week is a 24 hour work week. Not bad. But busy x.x
I have also cleaned my room (finally!)!
It's good to be home.

Okay. so.

Got home from Ben's house today. Talked to my mom, ate cocoa rum balls (delicious), and picked up my brother. An hour after I pick up my brother, mom calls from Pier One asking for me to pick her up.
Get there, she is crying all over the place and in quite a bit of pain. She says go home, I say doctor. I take her to the ER. Ultrasound identifies a cyst. There is the culprit. Doctor says they are "typical" and... I'm skeptical but whatever. They give her pain meds and FINALLY release her at like ten at night.

Here I am now rushing to get laundry done before I leave tomorrow.

I'm really excited to leave, I'm not going to lie. However, I also would like to stay... But it's going to feel the same way when I have to leave Dove Creek next wednesday.

I got a solid C in physics, which makes me VERY VERY happy. Not taking that horrible horrible class ever ever again.

Um. Last night Ben and I had our first official date (unofficially you could actually say that our first date was...oh god, two years ago? around this time? We went ice skating) Qudoba and a movie. We saw Nobel Son and it was AWESOME. Alan Rickman is still a sexy beast.

HOWEVER, Ben's been feeling dizzy and so he went to the doctor today (well I guess it's actually yesterday now...) and he is sick. Poor Ben.

Really that's it. Quick update for you all.

Have a great week. :D

p.s. ImissyouguysalreadyD:!

Michelle freaks out when there is a lack of posting, by the way.

Nothing too much is going on.
There is a camping trip planned for the first week in october. Warm enough to not be hot yet cold enough to be awesome. Confirmed participants are as follows: Caley, myself, Josh, Ben, and Chris.
It will be great


Date with Josh on Friday. We're going to the corn maze at Botanic Gardens. It's going to be great. I can't wait.

I was going to spend the night at the Allen Residence, but my mom just had her appendix taken out, and they really want to see me. This weekend, family is first. Sorry guys.
Well, on Monday I got a call from dad and he had to pick up Amy from the ER. I thought she just had an accident (like she does...a lot) but it ended up that my mom had a cat scan and they found that her appendix was on the wrong side of her body. Later it exploded.

Yay.

Mum called me and was sounding so horrid.So...yeah.




But camping, guys. Camping.

I'm in a lot of pain right now, and I don't know why. It's odd.




Rawr.
I'm so excited for the weekend, you have no idea though. SLEEP IN. HELL YEAH.

Who are you fsking kidding? full of MYSELF?!

nonono dear boy.
No one here rightly KNOWS you.
No one looks here except people _I_ know.




ugh.

gah.



whatever. You know what, I'll deal.



(though casting all blame on me is fitting seeing is that what I was DOING ALL THE WHILE. gawd. )

Today was eventful.
spent the night at Sam's. She...has been very suportive and even though she was the girl Eric HAD cheated on me with...it's really hard to explain.
we're just going to skip that.

ANYway. she...made me feel loads better (not that everyone else hasn't of course!) by just refusing to talk about Eric with me. Every time I tried she was just like "Rachel..." and gave me this look. After all, that's what I have a blog for, eh?

watched movies. Left a few there for her to watch. She hasn't seen Walk the Line which is...fantastic. I'm sure that's not EXACTLY how June and Johnny got together, but the actors chosen for them were perfect (and Reese has a better singing voice than June did :D haha).

Got home. Ben and Caley were online. Both asked to do something. To be fair, I went with Ben first because he DID ask first. Caley I am seeing tomorrow. :D yaaay. imisscaley

Ben took me to Blockbuster where we chose out three movies. Little Miss Sunshine, Lucky Number Slevin, and The Whore's Son. Went to Ben's house.

It was awkward. I asked Ben if anyone else was home. "no, just Chris, Jenn, and us." so I went to see Chris really quick because it's been a while. I walk in and freaking ERIC AND STEVEN are on the floor. I ignore Eric and Steven. Walk up to Chris, give him a hug, and walk out.

I was doing so well.

After being at Sam's house, I was really not thinking about Eric as much. Well, at Blockbuster when Ben asked when I saw movies I answered him truthfully with the "I saw it with Eric" but it was more of a "yeah, saw it. next movie" type thing. You know?

But...after that and SEEING how he didn't give a shit, I just got pissed off.
Still want to stab him in the face.
I emailed him the other day telling him to stop acting like I was the one that broke up with him. He has blocked me, he won't return my emails, even after he said he wanted to be friends. It pisses me off. He was lucky I was even trying to be CIVIL let alone FRIENDS.
ughhh.

But the rest of the evening was fun. Messed around with Chris, Ben, and Jenn (chris' girlfriend). Sooo much fun I tell you.

Ben got out the pictures. I found one with Eric and I curled up under a blanket. It was...cute. I remember it. Those were the times when I thought that nothing could stop me, you know?
I was invincible.


But...I am still. I'll beat this...eventually. Until then I'll be whining. It's funny because I know I'll look back and be like " oooohhh the angst" or "ugggggh I was such a whiney little girl" but at least I know that now, right?
( This is Eric-based. watch out )