Making a Change:

It's so cold here. We finally closed the window in the kitchen last night- so it's not FREEZING, but it's still pretty freaking cold.

Today is Career Day and... I'm not really prepared, I'll admit. Today is just a horrible day for it.

This week is killing me. Just schoolwork wise because I HAVE to finish everything due over the weekend because of this geology trip. I haven't called my family because I... don't have anything to say. I'm busy, mom. No, I'm still okay mom- oddly enough.

Really, I've been under reacting and it is kind of scary. I'm a heartless bitch, aren't I?
Well, I guess for now I'm enjoying the silence of it all.

Been able to think about what I REALLY want. And really, I have almost all of what I really want: school, family, friends. Really, I ought to be happy with what I have.

We'll see what today brings. Hopefully something good.

So I'm awake. I can't sleep. Rather than keep michelle awake, I'm sitting in the hall and trying to study chemistry while I have the chance. since I can't sleep I might as well get something done, right?

The girl down the hall, stephanie, is up as well. Grace is up as well. it sounds like her boyfriend is here?

I wish they kept the heaters on out in the hall...though it would be a waste...I'm just cold.

cold cold cold



and again, I wish I could sleep.

I want to squeeze the light out of the sun.

at least a little.
get some more in this room.

Maybe some heat too.

Um...started up Freakonomics. It is pretty decent.
Finished Case Histories. It is really fsked up.
Continued Hitler's Niece. It is written to give Hitler an almost...nice image. At least toward his niece.
Started Howl's Moving Castle. Stayed up reading that. Until like...eleven.
Picked up Catch-22 for the outside reading. I heard it was awesome from multiple sources so I will believe them...and pick up the movie (made in 1970) because that is part of the project...

Books keep me busy.

Michelle Flynn from across the street called. I'm babysiting Feb. 3 from 4:45 to 11 at ten dollars an hour for three little boys.
they are sooo cute. omg. If I wasn't against having children I would want one.

But kids are annoying. And I'm farrrrrr too young to even THINK about any.


My hair is almost down to my chin! :D
finally! woooo!

With all the stress lately I thought it would all fall out!

Um...nothing else new...besides me FREEZING. Outside today was warmer than my room is now! sheeesh!

Using a lot of dots lately...
haha.
I bet this looks like I'm eleven or something.
"omg...! hehehehe /gigglefit"

so...after all that. Mom read my last blog in the wrong context. She got mad at me. Being upset already, I walked out of the house.
I honestly didn't know exactly where I was going at first, but I knew I couldn't go home just then.
Then only one person came to mind: Eric.
I knew I wasn't on THAT great of terms with him, but I was with his family so it was okay.

I walked to walmart to warm up. Called home to tell my brother where I was. Told him I'd end up at Aunt Janet's or Sam's. Whoever came first.

Made it to Smokey hill and Gunclub (the one that is no longer connected to the main road...by Albertsons) and this couple came by and gave me a ride. Dropped me off right by Eric's house.

Came by, Eric's dad gave me a look of disbelief. Sat by the doorway curled in a ball, Eric came up and we just sat there. He wanted to cheer me up, so he took me downstairs and showed me this thing with final fantasy and burger king. It was kinda funny.

We talked. He..said he still loves me, but he can't trust me. I still don't understand how he can't trust me when it's really something so little. He did things five times worse to me multiple times and I still trusted him. Sure, ALL the trust still wasn't there, but it's only been a year. what can you expect from me?

He made it very clear he still loved me.
I just wish he would trust me again.
He told me to go to Sam's because staying there would make us both worse than before.
I still don't agree with that, but whatever he wants to think.

Dad called. Erik called. Aunt Janet called. Went to Aunt Janet's house afterword. She talked to me. Gave me warm clothes. I tried watching a movie with my cousin but I fell asleep. Three hour nap.

Woke up...mom had called. She said it was up to me to call. But..after she got mad at me this morning for really no reason (I know that was typed wrong, but everyone knows I didn't mean it LIKE THAT) I honestly have no desire to talk to her. She came up, I said hello. She didn't answer until I looked at her. She asked how I was, I said "okay, you?" and she just walked away. WTF?
I'm sorry you took that wrong, but it's NOT my fault. YOU decided to read what was on my screen (which horridly invaded my privacy btw).

I edited the entry to what I MEANT. But, it's not like she's talking to me anyway so ...whatever.

At least I clarified things with Eric today, neh?
Though...it still makes me wonder what went on through his head that made it such a big deal but...i'llgetoverit.
I think.

But...I'm glad things went like that today.