Making a Change:

I'd really update more... if I wasn't running around like a chicken with it's head cut off.

Life has been stressful to say the least. Two classes over the summer may have been a mistake and my gpa will plummet because of it. Thermo I'm doing alright in, Mechanics of Materials...not so much. Hopefully I did better on this last exam, but I'm not holding my breath. I really NEED to study more for this class but finding time has been a hassle. Between work and school I'm pretty much working the equivalent of two full-time jobs (this includes the 4+ hours of homework per day for each class), but I don't want to not see my friends so I've been trying to see them too. And of course I've been going to Ben's every Friday to see him, and sometimes he goes to Golden to see me.

Last week, Wednesday to be exact, I started freaking out about just everything. I felt like I just failed my exam, I didn't understand the homework, everything going on with my family, not enough money for school next semester... it just made me snap and all I wanted to do was cry. Things are better now, but I'm still super-stressed out and I'm probably not going to do too much with anyone until I'm on my two week summer vacation.

Things at work are getting busier. At least at Pier One... If I had enough hours to work in the day I'm sure I could be hired on as a Sales Lead- but alas I only get about 22-25 hours per week which is 8-5 hours below the minimum for the position. There have been a lot of people quitting so we were down to about...five sales associates and three managers. We just hired a girl named Lydia and it sounds like we'll hire someone else too. Hopefully we can get at least eight! Seriously. Almost all of us are working almost thirty hours each a week to make up for the lack of people and you can tell it wearing everyone down.

Metro Brokers is slow, but that's to be expected at this time. No one wants to move while their children are going off to college. Hopefully it'll pick up around September a bit. The pre-holiday stuff, you know. Move before you put out the tree and house-lights.

My mom talked to me this morning and apparently my parents want to take us to Mexico for Mine and Erik's birthdays. I talk about how I would like some fruity drink or a rum and coke: she shakes her head. Hey, you take me to Mexico when I'm legally of age in my own country, I'll have a damn alcoholic beverage. It's not like I'm going to drink 'til I'm drunk. Not that they know about it, but at parties I don't even do that- it's really just not my thing. Too bad she doesn't understand that. One drink every so often does not an alcoholic make.

On a completely different note:Angel, our dog of seven years, has a fast-growing cancer. She has a couple of weeks or so... We've been spoiling her quite a bit. Also got a puppy. We're not trying to have it take her place- no other dog will be quite a sweet as Angel is- but it does dull the feeling of loss.

Living in the sorority has been pretty cool. Nice, fast internet that isn't named anything like cuntnugget, a dishwasher, cable, multiple nice places to study, and locking bathroom doors (and bedroom too, but I don't have my key...yet? yet I hope). It's been nice also having a washer and drier so I don't have to ship things to and from my parent's house.

Ugh, my body hurts.

Other than that, life is good.
Cheers

So I am sick and tired of this whole internet showdown. SICK of it. The people upstairs have been very unhelpful and refuse to let us help. In the middle of the week last week I had just had it with them and I texted them asking if they needed me to call comcast because this situation was just making me more than a little frustrated.

Each week I have about 20 hours of work at Pier One, 7 at Metro Brokers, and most of what is left is either sleepy-time or me going to school (though I admit, as of late I've been blowing off homework to play sims... bad Rachel). Personally, I can't work around the Library's schedule so that I can sit down and have some quality internet time. [for reference, the library is open 8am-9pm every day

After Michelle and I texting them over and over they FINALLY got this router up. Username: cuntnugget. Password: doucheface. Don't care that I'm giving this out over the internet. First off: CLASSY. Secondly: if you live in my area, take advantage of the crappy internet! Though, if you high performing computers, don't even think about trying to access the internet. My connection times out before anything even loads and I don't even have that great of computers.

Lately I've been taking to getting my assignments and required readings online, saving the pdf, and printing at home. Honestly I COULD live like this, but I'm paying them for internet. I should be able to have internet if I am PAYING for it. Thusly, as of the beginning of July I will be moving into Pi Beta Phi. They have internet there.

In other news, my best tv is totally ruined. Cindy, Ryan, Sean, and I were watching a movie and all of a sudden we heard popping. The screen started going fuzzy so we turned it off. A couple minutes later we turned it on and it continued popping and then died. RIP my lovely TV. Let this be a lesson to you all: NEVER EVER even THINK about plugging in ANYTHING without a surge protector. I thought it'd be okay until I found one later, but nope. Ben said he'll help me pay for a flat-screen or something. Anything that will play dvd's on a screen that's at least bigger than my head. I'm actually thinking about trying craigslist... you never know, I might get lucky and find a nice plasma screen for only a hundred dollars! If I can secure one of those I'm going to try and get my hands on a Xbox 360. Still want one, yes. Maybe Xbox will come out with something new and my brother will just give me his when he buys the new system. I can hope, right?

On a more positive note: I found this absolutely incredible bread at safeway! It's wheat with chopped nuts baked into it. It is just SO good. Makes for some of the best peanut butter and jelly sandwiches that I've ever had (besides the kinds with my dad's jam, obviously). Also, Twinings Lady Grey Tea is amazing! The other day I needed some cash so instead of going to the ATM (which charges about the price of a box of tea to withdraw money...or at least last time I did) I went to safeway to actually get some tea and they just take money out if you put in your debit number. ANYWAY. I tastes like a lighter version of Earl Grey (possibly why this is LADY Grey) but has this kind of cookie aftertaste. You know those...vanillaish keebler cookies where you have the two vanilla cookies with some sort of really sweet, creamy stuff in the middle? Kind of tastes like that. Made me crave those like no other!

Also went to the Farmer's Market. Bought my Dad some of this Salsa which, until July, is some of the spiciest salsa on this side of the country. That is his father's day present from me. The lady was really nice and actually gave me her sample bag of roasted peppers to go with it. She told me he won't have any hair by the end of it.

Also bought some a-sparrow's-guts and a basket of cherries. The cherries were awesome and are gone now, though I haven't had time to actually cook myself some of the asparagus (sp?! goodness I'm lost without spell-check).

 

Anyway, I better be off and actually get my thermo homework done so I won't have to do it on Tuesday (my only day off for another week).

Cheers

As many of you know, Don will be having open heart surgery on Wednesday, April 15^th at University Hospital.  He is in stage four of congestive heart failure, and has been in poor health.  A Left Ventricular Heart Assist System will be implanted (please see diagram attached).  The device assists the heart with pumping blood to the body, enabling the recipient to have more energy and have a better quality of life.   He is expected to be in ICU for two weeks after the surgery and will be in the hospital for one to three months.

 

He was admitted to the hospital this morning and is in Surgical ICU, room 227.  After a barrage of tests with more to come tomorrow, he is in good spirits and is ready to get on with the surgery.  Surgery is scheduled for Wednesday morning at 7:30am, and is expected to take a minimum of six hours to complete.

 

Yours prayers would be greatly appreciated!

 

 

Love,

Dottie & Brenda

So I somewhat did what my mom said and today I applied for two internships. One in Utah and one in Maryland.

GOOGLESEARCHDON'TFAILMENOW.

Not that I have anything else to do ANYWAY. Since they blocked EVERYTHING.

And the phones changed so they are all...weird. I don't know. People are all "I've been on the line twenty minutes" and I'm all "sorry! It doesn't even show me you called! D:!"

On the plus side though, I've spent time with Ben and his family (at least his brothers) AND I got to sleep in on Saturday. YAY! I'm pretty sure this isn't my brother's or sister's break so unfortunately I probably won't be able to spend much time with them except for tonight and maybe tomorrow night if I decide to stay there. Maybe I should stay another night- if anything, for my brother's sake. He did kinda just stick up for me the other day.
My siblings are becoming exponentially cooler as they get older/more mature. Thank goodness.

I'm pretty excited for habitat for humanity on wednesday! I've always wanted to do it, but I just haven't ever been able to. On that note: I need work gloves. Considering what I want to do with my life, it would probably be a good idea to have them anyways. And probably need to find sturdy shoes, because my tennis shoes are falling apart/ made out of cloth instead of leather.

Also: Initiation for Pi Phi in a few weeks! :D
Also, Also: APO is only a few steps from being a chapter! :DD
Also, Also, Also: Sean's parents okayed us using their cabin in Bailey! Retreat for APO after all! :DDD

Also, Also, Also, Also: I still need to get fellowship paperwork done x.x damn.

BUT! In minerology Rebecca, Kristin (sp?!) and I have decided to start a study group. Once a week (or more depending on material) from like 7-9pm in the lab classroom. Hopefully I can pull my grade up. UGH. I hate/love that class so much.

Oh. Need to study statics as well. I wish I didn't suck at it and that he would give us a review because that is what helped me do well on the previous exam. Jackass, saying we needed to study just the class problems and not a guide. WHAT IF THAT IS HOW I STUDY, EH? EVER THINK OF THAT YOU... ANGRY JERKFACE?! /fail.

just hope I don't fail. I really can't afford to fail.

I have come to terms... and I'm going to be supportive. Yes, indeed.

What comes next?


In other news: my mom had surgery on Wednesday for her two hernias. It sounds like everything went well, which is good. They tend to screw up everything when it comes to my mother.

Er. Classes are fine... I guess. At any rate, they make the time go faster. Though that can be considered a bad thing...

At work everyone seems to be on a war-path. It's very hostile and I don't really enjoy being there anymore. Since I got Sundays at Metro Brokers I don't really NEED Pier One, but... I'm willing to give it a bit. If things don't get better within the next month or two I'll just go look for another job. Seriously, I have enough to worry about. I don't need to worry about being fired from Pier One for minor mistakes. Seriously.

my mother called my aunt and told her the "situation". Apparently my Aunt Janet will be calling me.

Though what I think will happen is they'll have a "sit down" with me when I'm home today. I half expect it. If that is the case I will be leaving promptly.
First off, I don't appreciate her going behind my back like that.
Secondly, this WILL cause me to dislike my family possibly forever.
Thirdly, it's not helping, it's hurting. I feel like I've been backed into a corner.
Lastly, this is probably the LEAST Christian thing to do- just so it isn't blamed on the faith of my family and...oh wait. Me too. NO WHERE does it say THOU SHALT SCRUTINIZE THY FAMILY


this is... really tearing me apart : /

And after my slight rant and some coffee I am feeling 50x better.

Also: I will forgive my mother. AND! I will kill her with kindness. It gets them every time.
Well, in the least it is confusing.

To summarize why I'm in a terrible mood.

• I'm fsking tired.
• my mom doesn't approve of Ben merely because he isn't Christian
  
• ...that's pretty much it

I did snap at my dad, so tomorrow I'll be buying his favorite coffee and asking forgiveness.
Deep down, I hope he got at least a little mad at my mother and told her off or something. Anything.

She brought up that she didn't approve of Ben 1)In front of my cousin whom I haven't seen in two years and 2) in front of her side of the family including two people I don't really know who are VERY Christian. She'll no doubt be backed up by them: she knows it. Not only does this put a damper on the Christmas day thing (you know, good will towards fellow men) but this puts a major major strain on me as I do like my family and would...you know...like to be a part of it.

I feel at this point that I'm pretty much NEVER allowed to be happy for very long. I...am not sure what I did to deserve this but I don't think that I did much of anything. So... cut it out please? Thanks.

The trip to Dove Creek was awesome!
A much needed time away from the busy life.
I had an early flight, departure at 8:15. Got to the airport VERY early so once I was at my gate I just sat and read a book. There was this guy next to me (next meaning he sat two seats away) that was waiting for his granddaughter to arrive. Apparently the last time he had seen her was when she was seven, now she's fourteen. Crazy.
Read the rest of my book (A Christmas Carol) on the plane. It was really short, but very good. Growing up I've always watched A Muppet Christmas Carol with my brother all throughout the season so whenever there was a part I recognized the songs played in the back of my head. It was awesome.

Got to Cortez Municipal Airport and was met by my grandparents, cousin Brenda, and Aunt and Uncle. My Aunt and Uncle were only there for the laptop I carried in my suitcase (which was theirs, but... really guys? Aren't you glad I'm here?). Got to my grandparent's house. They installed new flooring in the kitchen and part way into the living room. Re-painted as well.
Most of the time I was there I was just hanging out. My other Aunt and Uncle visited often (their business has yet to be moved out of my grandparent's basement...) and Maranda made a surprise visit! Saw my Aunt Michelle briefly.
It was snowing a LOT. Roads were horrible. We only went into town twice, both times I brought my phone because I don't get service at my grandparent's house and I needed to check messages just in case work called BUT I don't know my voicemail password so I couldn't... Stupid T-mobile.

The last full day I was there my grandma taught me how to crochet! I had quite a bit done but I was unhappy with it so I unraveled it and started again. I'm gonna make a scarf and then I'll send it to my grandparents. It'll be awesome. However, I need to find my hook that is hidden in my house somewhere, or I'll have to buy new ones. I'm thinking I'll just go to walmart and get some after Christmas...
Anyway. Time comes for me to leave.  Left an hour earlier than we needed to just in case the road to Cortez was bad. It was. When we got to the airport I got all checked in and sat down. At first there weren't many people, then this bus FULL of people comes and it was really loud. The lady says the plane that left at 4:17 (the time that I was supposed to leave according to MY TICKET) was ACTUALLY for the people who just got bussed there from Telluride. I was... pretty pissed. They didn't know where the plane I was supposedly supposed to get on was or if it even was supposed to come in. They check all the Telluride people into the plane. I call my dad saying to not go to the airport because I don't even know if I'm going to be leaving that day (which really pissed me off because I was supposed to work the next day!). All of a sudden they are like "Passengers on the Cortez flight, go through security. We're putting you on this plane". So I say goodbye to my grandparents and cousin, almost crying like I always do when I have to leave, and go to the security line. Lady in front of me is unorganized, and has three trays worth of stuff to put on the plane.
Finally get onto the plane. It's literally full. No extra seats. As I buckle my seatbelt the other plane comes in right next to us. Great.
They take half an hour to de-ice the plane. I call my dad and tell him to continue heading to the airport. They got me on a plane.
Had nothing to do on the plane because they don't allow you to use electronics because it is such a small plane and anything WILL mess with the navigation equipment (though I'm pretty sure it's just for wireless devices).  ANYWAY. Got there, met my dad.

Went home. Did laundry and hung out with my family.
Mom was in pain and on meds. Brother and Sister were bouncy and hyper. Erik and I will be decorating a gingerbread man hopefully on this saturday.

Made my excuses and went over to see Ben. Watched them (being Takashi and Ben, Chris was watching and playing on his laptop) play a video game for a while, then watched Forbidden Kingdom with Ben. Er. Went to bed. Woke up and was on the computer for a bit. Tried to sleep again, was successful for an hour then I woke up again, this time for good. Hung around with Ben and Chris. We went to Wendy's and then it started to pellet snow. AND WE SAW LIGHTENING IN THE SNOW. Then I got toilet paper and dropped Ben and Chris off at their house. Got on the highway and NO ONE CAN DRIVE IN THE SNOW OMG. Took almost two hours to get home. Called my mom while I was at a standstill. She was mis-diagnosed at the ER. She couldn't work due to pain one day so I took her there. She hurt on her right side (this is important to say) and they took an ultrasound and said it was because of a cyst. They gave her pain meds. It wouldn't stop hurting even with oxycodine so she went to the doctor and they took a look at her ultrasound. They asked what side it hurt on, she says right. "So the pain has switched sides?" "No...". The cyst was on her LEFT ovary. LEFT. They're doing tests to see what else it could be- they're thinking she tore a muscle. YAY.

Er. What else?
Schedule for the next couple weeks:
Today:
-Pier One 6:30pm-10:30pm
Saturday:
-Metro Brokers 8:30am-12:30pm
-Pier One 6:30pm-10:30pm
Sunday:
-Pier One 4pm-8pm
Monday:
-Pier One 8pm-11pm
Tuesday:
-Pier One 12pm-4pm
Wednesday
-Pier One 2pm-6:30pm
Thursday
-CHRISTMAS KOMG
Friday
-Pier One 8am-12pm
Saturday
-Metro Brokers 8:30am-12:30pm
-NO PIER ONE!OMG!!!11!

so next week is a 24 hour work week. Not bad. But busy x.x
I have also cleaned my room (finally!)!
It's good to be home.

Yesterday was...super frustrating.

I really didn't want to go to work-as per usual. I've been working so much and it seems like I'm getting no where.

Set up for the putt putt tournament. It was fun from what I hear. I didn't get to play because I had to go to the core place but...you know. I'm done with going to the core place to look at core (yay!). But that means that I have no shiny rocks to look at (steal) and that makes me somewhat sad...

My brother wouldn't stop cracking jokes and stuff at my expense and it was really getting to me. Usually it doesn't get to me but yesterday was just different. I don't know why. He started alluding to the fact that since I'm in a long distance relationship that it would be easy for each of us to, you know, cheat. That's not something you touch with me.
Though he did try to make it up by saying that he liked grant and stuff. whatever.
Just don't touch the cheating subject with me. Please.

Then a lot of things weren't actually done for our section of the putt putt so I had to help rush everything around to get it set up. Though, I guess it would have helped if I knew what people look for in these things but...you know.

After that I went back to golden. Spent literally 15 minutes trying to find a place to park (luckily for me someone pulled out and I took their spot). Wasn't happy about that...but I guess that's what happens when you live close to campus. Didn't help that this jackass was behind me honking his horn every five seconds and giving me nasty looks. Yeah, buddy. I can see you in my rear-view mirror.

Went to pier one after running the vacuum cleaner in. Met the new manager- His name is... Jared? I think so. Something with a J. He has one crazy life story and seems like a really sweet guy.
I work with him for his first closing.
Apparently I'm the favorite? Erin was all like "I make it a point to try and work closing with Rachel as much as possible" and I was all "wow, that's awfully nice of you to say" o.o
Though I think it's because I clean super fast and do a fairly good job in the process. Not minding cleaning toilets has its upside.

Went home. I really didn't want to talk to anyone because I was tired/stressed. Mom wouldn't leave me alone. She's just trying to look out for me, but when I say I'm tired and that I want to go to bed I don't mean that I want you to change into your pajamas and talk to me some more. Please. Oh mom. I guess she isn't taking me moving out so well? Because, unlike dorms, I can cook for myself and it's, you know, ACTUALLY moving out. Though, most of my books are going to need to stay at home, unfortunately. boo.

ugh. and my face is broken out and it sucks. Just so you know. yay face.

And after all that complaining my mom offers to let grant stay the night if he needs to.

Now I kind of feel bad : /

Today I am just… flustered. I’m frustrated with my family and with my situation and I’m almost looking to get a loan and buy a taser so I can take the bus to work (give up the car). I am just SO very tired of not being in charge of my own life. I want to be able to visit Dove Creek without it all of a sudden being all about Grant. You know, I want to visit my family too. Everything I do comes down to reputation, according to my mother. What reputation? Everyone knows I’m pretty nice, I try to help, and I am dead set against compromising myself.

Now that I think about it, I might have been short with Michelle and Cindy, and I’m sorry. Yesterday was just a horrible day: today is not looking to be any better.

So basically I got in trouble for feeding my friends leftovers from dinner. Not that I fed them leftovers, but that I fed them. Period. I figured, they always feed me when I’m over at their houses, why not feed them? We left some for my dad, so he could eat dinner too, in fact we left him MORE than enough.

I want to just…ugh. Get out. The fact that we probably won’t have the place on Friday makes me kind of upset. You see, I want out of my house. I’m tired of the rules and the fake-freedom. Like, I can make choices for myself but if my parents don’t agree then I have to suddenly un-make it.

So today I went to Wells Fargo. I got a savings account, checking, and applied for a credit card. My mom won’t be happy about the credit card. Honestly, I’m not going to use it irresponsibly. Since I was little, my mother always told me you should never use the card unless you have the money in your checking account. It will be used to buy groceries, and then when I get back home, I’ll pay it off. Building credit is important and if I end up not liking this place and want a nicer one, landlords usually like to have a credit report. Plus, I’ll be able to get a loan so my parents can stop paying for stuff. Not that they will be paying for much this year. Apparently I’m supposed to cover my tuition: something I had not factored into my money situation. If they had been paying, I’d be able to pay for rent- no problem. The six thousand I make this summer would more than cover it all. But I have to pay for my tuition and rent and gas and phone.

I’m also kind of upset that my time with Grant is now quite limited. My parents would die before they’d let him spend the night at our place (he’ll be staying at a friend’s house in Denver) so I pretty much have one night with him. I mean, it shouldn’t be so bad, but it is.

I guess I kind of had hoped that those guys would have moved out earlier?

I feel like a complete and utter idiot. Maybe I am. Maybe I should just quit school and work at Pier 1 full time. Sure, everyone would be disappointed, but aren’t they already?
No. I won’t. I like it too much. But sometimes it’s all I can think about. How easy it would all be just to quit. But then I’d be taking the easy way out. I hate doing that.

This feeling is just horrible.

Horrible and helpless.

Yesterday was kind of long. It was so very boring that I'm surprised I managed to stay awake. A grand total of maybe twenty showings. They all came at once, which was a bitch. Also had to deal with some guy who was all like "Well why can't I get the agent's phone number?" "I'm not allowed to give it to you" "Well why not?" "She said I can't, and because she said that I can't give it out" "How am I supposed to get a hold of her then?" "I transferred you to her cell, so if you'd just leave a message there..." "I want to talk to a human, not a machine!"

I wanted to reach through the phone and rip his head off.

I got home and mom returned with a bunch of foodstuffs for when I move out (three weeks away!). So... yeah. I have pretty much everything.

I honestly don't remember how big the rooms are, so I don't know how much room I'll have for things. My mom keeps saying "You're taking a dresser" but I could really care less about a dresser. I can get hanging things for my closet and now I have a night stand for my ...other stuff.

I might be downgrading to a twin bed, but that doesn't mean that I can have twice as much furniture in the room as I would have had.

So, I kind of would like to know what is going to happen as far as moving in goes. I don't have any of the papers, so I can't call the dude to see what the plan is so far. It's getting close and I'm starting to want to know the plans.

And if we actually get the place August 1st, I'd like to know when we're actually moving things in. My mom keeps saying something about "the morning of August 2nd" and I keep thinking "the evening of August 1st" because I'd honestly move in as soon as possible. Again, love my family but their restrictions are driving me crazy. Be home by this time, don't be out late, you can't spend money even if it's something you need (mom's getting on my case for every dollar I spend)...
I made a budget spreadsheet. If I get a part-time job paying even just minimum wage, I'll be set. I'll actually be able to SAVE 2000 dollars. Kind of thinking about opening an account that I just deposit in (kind of like what Cindy had/has at WaMu?!) that gains more interest than other accounts and then depositing some of each paycheck into it. Start it off with 100 dollars and like...even just fifteen dollars from each paycheck could be a major help.

After that I was pretty much laying in bed hoping that everyone would leave me alone. Erik kept waking me up, which pissed me off.

Walked to walmart- which has been my brother's and my thing this week. Got an icee and talked to some lady that worked there. Apparently we were gone a whole ten minutes too long because dad was looking for us. We have cell phones, so I don't know why they didn't call those first. Seriously. I'm not five.
You worry, I know, but we didn't walk any slower than we usually do so...yeah.

Talked to Grant last night, which was very nice. It was pretty unexpected. I'm talking to my mom and all of a sudden my phone goes off with the call ringtone (versus my messaging ringtone which is Enjoy the Silence, fitting no?) and I'm all "oh, grant is calling!". Mom leaves and we talk until about eleven (which, honestly, wasn't that long considering the call came in a little past ten).

Giddy Rachel. :D

Anyway. I should be getting a call from Pier 1 either today or tomorrow. Hopefully today, because I want to know NOW whether they hired me. I might not get the job I applied for, but I also expressed interest in any other job they would give me so I HOPE they at least give me a sales associate job. Such a cool place and they were all very very cool people (or at least the few I met). Very nice and very upbeat.

I also applied to Borders, Home Depot, and Bed Bath and Beyond.
I might apply to kohls too...because it's there. And apparently they are hiring at Best Buy but you have to go in and I don't have time to do that. Same with Barnes and Noble.

hope hope hope.

So...my dad calls me in my cubicle. "Go look at the Starbucks by the chipotle" he says. I find a window, look down, and one of the free mall ride buses RAN INTO THE STARBUCKS.

It was my favorite one too :/

My crazy theory is that the bus driver saw an ex-somethingorother with his/her new girlfriend/boyfriend and ran into the starbucks to kill him/her.

My real theory is that the operator got out to help some handicapped person and forgot to put on the brakes.

Hopefully no one got hurt :/

Not a very busy day. Very dull. I honestly just want to go home because there is nothing to do without the geoscience people here. I mean, I want to put in a full eight hours of work, sure. But...when no one is here? no.

They were supposed to tell me what wells I should be focusing on so I can have somewhere to start for this new project, but it hasn't happened yet. Yeah, they're pretty busy so I guess I can't blame them but...ugh.

I think today (if I can convince Ben) I might walk to the best buy and get a new keyboard. Mine broke (I'm still kind of angry about it since EVERYONE decided they got to use it while I was at school and now it's broken) and I kind of need a new one if I want to set up my computer (desktop).

This weekend, when I have time, I'm going to buy a journal or something and I'm going to make a list of all the books I have. This was prompted by the fact that I can't find my Count of Monte Cristo...WAIT! I let Stephanie borrow it! AHA!...Still I need to make a list so this doesn't happen again. I should probably read the books that Ben and Josh lent me last year. Yeah... plus that would give me an excuse to bring up Tale of Genji with Josh and see if he's done with it yet. Super long book, let me tell you.

Oh boy. I have work tomorrow, joy. Then I have a wedding to go to. Double joy. THEN! my sister's recital is tomorrow. TRIPLE JOY. Sometimes I think I should have stayed in ballet.

So, if we get home soon enough I'm going to ride my bike before Ben comes over. I've taken to riding my bike all the way along the path behind my house and back (Cindy and Kirk know where it ends). It's nice to get out for a bit. It was pretty cold yesterday and a storm was coming in pretty quickly so I had to cut my fun short.

Not looking forward to wearing a skirt, that's for sure.

Nothing much to really say about today.

Didn't do too much, happily. I woke up around eight, and walked about the house for a while. Watched the end of a movie called "someone like you" with Ashley Judd and ... Hugh Jackman? I think so. Made me feel particularly mushy for most of the day.

Had peanut butter on toast, twice, a bowl of cereal, and 1 and a half servings of dinner. Went for a walk/jog. Mostly speed-walk like I usually do to walk around school and stuff.

Watched Sense and Sensibility. Once I'm finished with the book I'm on, I'm starting that book. I actually really like Jane Austen. Before I had tried to read Pride and Prejudice, but I just couldn't get into it... I guess with enough willpower you can do anything.

Had five diet pepsi's today. Not very happy about it, but...my head has been hurting all day when I don't drink some. Time to cut myself off, right?

Apparently one of the drug tests, mine or my brother's, has something wrong with it. Because mom checked messages at like...seven, we can't call the office. It's closed.
I'm slightly pissed because if it is mine, I start work on MONDAY. MONDAY. What is tomorrow? FRIDAY. Are doctor's offices open on Saturdays? NO.
It shouldn't be mine, because I don't drink or do drugs and all I took that day was midol...but you never know.

Ugh. Just been in a lousy mood most of the week. Only times I haven't felt too horridly bad this week were when I was hanging out with Caley and Josh. Maybe it's just being alone. Usually I have someone to take a walk with me or do SOMETHING with. Here, I'm in the middle of fucking nowhere. If I want to go to a friend's house I have to DRIVE there. Thanks mum and dad for choosing a house in the middle of KANSAS. UGH.

On the bright side, I'm going to breakfast with Ben tomorrow. He works at night, and gets off at eight in the morning so I figured since I get up then...we could go out to breakfast. Plus I can't rightly go over to his house, unfortunately.
I just can't bring myself to do it. Caley suggested going over there the other day, but I can't do it. Not with HIM there. Especially after everything that has happened, I'd just claw his eyes out or something.
I hate him.

Hate.
Seethe.

It's sad, but that's how it is. I don't want to cause rifts with them in that house, so I am just going to avoid it. If Chris reads this anymore...I just hope he understands. I just can't.




Honestly, the only reason I'm actually updating is because for some reason AIM isn't working. I've tried to get on, but it says it can't find the server. Also, the website is down (or so says my internet) so... yeah. No AIM express...

BLEH.

Oh, and got a financial aid warning today. Because I dropped below full-time student status, if I don't get my act together by the end of next semester, I'm not getting ANY financial aid. OHBOY.

I stress way too easily. And, you know, it doesn't help that my mom tells me all of their financial woes. She's just trying to talk to me, I know, but it just stresses me out. I can't help their situation so I'm like "omgmyfamilyisgoingtostarve" and stuff like that. Then I have my own situation to worry about as well. Though, since I don't have to pay for room and board I might actually have enough money for myself next year. As long as shopping is at a minimum...I'll be good. Eat ramen or something, right?

So my sister has chickenpox.
er.

Well, the doctor doesn't want to SAY it's chicken pox... but my mother insists it is.

She had the shot, but she still has itchy red marks which look strikingly similar to chicken pox (considering two of my mother's three children have had the pox, I'm sure she knows what they look like).

The doctors say it's "just a virus" but...chicken pox is a virus. THEN! they give her antibiotics. If you don't know, antibiotics don't help with viruses.

I assume they just want to make sure that if any of the sores like...open up, they won't get infected.

So I'm still not going home.
I told my mom that, and she agrees.

I looked in the mirror, and I was like "UGH. That's me?!"

Another reason I don't like going home:
There is no semi-healthy food to eat here. It's all junk. Great tasting junk, but junk.



Like tonight we had Chimichungas for dinner and some overly oily mexican rice.
It was delicious, but gross at the same time.

Plus we have cookies and shortcake.

My mom keeps complaining that she's overweight... well, mom... that's why.


But I did find out that I do get the 300 dollar thing from the government. If you made over 3000 dollars, you get it.

Excellent!

But still...ugh.

So today I woke up at around...eight? Sometime after my mother left.
I ate a very light breakfast (an apple and a slice of pineapple). Had some tea and just walked around the house- the silence is amazing. My grandfather got out of the hospital yesterday, despite his doctor's wishes.

So I plugged my MP3 into the speakers downstairs and just listened to random music for a while. I started up laundry and waited until 10.

At 10:30 I left for my dentist appointment- which wasn't bad. They kept saying how perfect my teeth were and how I must be taking very good care of them. Oh how little do they know.
Anyway, no cavities. They want me back in six months (BLEH).

I got back home and watched The Craft. I had never seen the whole movie so I was very intent on finishing it today- but EVERYONE was calling during it.

Now, I'm here. I should be studying physics, but I think I'm going to go outside for a while. Fun, neh?

UGH. Have to pick up my brother at three though. UGH. SUCKAGE.

I went to visit my grandfather in the hospital with my mom today.
In case you don't know: I hate hospitals. Something about the cleanliness and how every thing is so quiet just irks me.
Anyway, he's at the new hospital off of Parker- it's nice. You enter the lobby and there is this giant brick wall. On the adjacent wall, there is a picture of a couple with Jesus. It's kind of odd to see that in such a public place. It was a good picture though, the artist should be proud.

We get there and my grandfather is sitting and trying to eat his dinner. He has dentures, so it's hard for him to chew sometimes. He also has arthritis so he can't really cut his meat without you seeing him wince.

Right there next to him is the container for the stuff that "comes out" if you get what I mean. It's just all around gross.

He started having a coughing fit, and you could tell some stuff was still in his lungs. He rocked back and forth while he was talking- you know that he isn't doing so hot.

But, as my grandfather always does, he makes jokes about everything. I'm pretty sure he's where I got my sense of humor from.

The nurse wasn't all that nice. She came in and told him he needed to take this Iron IV drip thing and she needed to watch him for an hour or so. She tried to get him to move rooms, but my grandpa said no. In defense for the nurse, my grandpa isn't exactly the kindest patient. He's always trying to find some way to push your buttons. He's only joking, usually, though.

I couldn't look when they were playing with his IV tubes. They always do that when I'm visiting him, and I HATE it. Needles terrify me.

Apparently he's doing better though. One of his doctors said he might be able to come home this week.



All this hospital visiting makes me wonder how my grandparents can afford it. He's in the hospital so much...

My plan for tomorrow before I leave:
Fill tires on left side
run/jog/speedwalk
explore the creek a bit?
go to Barnes and Noble and pick up the books Cindy put on reserve for me (<3!!)
start the washer with MY sheets


Amy's been stealing the washer and dryer for her crap even though I need it more...

So I'm at home. I think I'm going to clear off my network drive on the family's network.

So I got here, and I slept for 2+ hours. My mother found cigarettes in my brother's backback. She's not very happy about it, seeing as he's not even sixteen.

So after dinner I looked at him sternly and said "Did you know smoking is bad for you? Did you know that if you smoke and your a minor you can get in legal trouble? Did you know the person who gave you those could go to jail or be fined?"

You know, it'd be okay if he was eighteen. I wouldn't like it, but dude. It's not that hard to wait, is it?

I miss my old music. Minus eminem. I don't know how I listened to him...Next week I'll bring my external back and grab everything. There are also many pictures I worked on oh here that I actually kind of like...Not that I compare to michelle with photoshop by any means, but they look decent.

Dude. I used to be so awesome back in the day. Then I let Eric ruin it, how lame is that?

Rachel = lame to the max :D.

well, maybe not to the max, but you catch my drift, no?
wow. and all that stuff takes up thirty gigs of space. I don't think I've ever seen a folder take up that much space.

Wow, just wow.

Movies I'm thinking of bringing:
Mozart and the Whale
Ghostbusters
Ghostbusters II

And I'm going semi-shopping tomorrow. I'm picking up new dress shirts, because I lack nice stuff. Or I'll just completely scrap that idea...and get more books :D

That's about it. nothing new to report, cap'n.

edit:
now it's snowing. Freaking snowing. :/ Idon'twannadriveinthesnow